Lionel Page18 September 2025

Born to Lie: How Humans Deceive Ourselves & Others - Lionel Page - #995

0Frameworks

10Insights

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take11:00

Claiming Victimhood Is a Power Move

Presenting oneself as a victim isn't always about suffering — it can be a strategic, self-deceptive ploy to gain moral high ground and social support. By appearing harmed, one can claim retribution or special treatment, even if the harm is exaggerated or imagined.

Being seen as a victim can confer social benefits and moral authority.
People may self-deceive to believe they're victimized to justify claims.
This occurs in families, social media, and political discourse.
It's a way to gain retribution without overtly demanding it.

“Being seen as a victim is a second-order 4D chess move to be seen as morally superior.”
Chris · 11:30

#social strategy#victimhood#moral positioning#self-deception

Hot Take74:00

Democracy Is Not About Truth — It's About Bargaining

Democracy isn't a truth-seeking machine. It's a system where coalitions negotiate how to divide society's gains. Political ideologies are less about ideals and more about advancing group interests through moral-sounding arguments.

Politics is about bargaining, not finding truth.
Ideologies are bids to change the social contract.
Fairness arguments are often strategic, not sincere.
Democracy works because it forces leaders to please large groups.

“Democracy is great not because people seek truth — it's because their interests are represented.”
Lionel Page · 83:00

#democracy#politics#coalitions#game theory

Explainer· 4

Explainer00:30

Why Human Reason Is for Persuasion, Not Truth

Human reasoning evolved not to solve objective problems like scientists, but to win arguments like lawyers. We use reason primarily in social contexts to convince others, which explains common cognitive biases like confirmation bias — we favor information that supports our position and ignore what doesn't.

Reason evolved for social persuasion, not objective problem-solving.
We act like lawyers, not scientists, in everyday reasoning.
Confirmation bias helps us win arguments, not find truth.
Most real-world problems we face are social, not technical.

“Reason is not here to solve problems. It's here for us to convince other people.”
Lionel Page · 02:00

“We're reasoning like lawyers to convince other people, not like scientists to find the truth.”
Lionel Page · 01:30

#reasoning#cognitive bias#social psychology#evolution

Explainer05:30

Why We Self-Deceive to Convince Others

Self-deception evolved as a strategic tool: if we believe our own lies, we become more convincing. Overconfidence and inflated self-views aren't just feel-good lies — they help us bluff in social negotiations without giving off 'tells' that we're lying.

Self-deception makes us better at deceiving others because we believe our own story.
Overconfidence is widespread — most people think they're above average.
Believing your own bluff removes emotional cues that reveal deception.
It's advantageous in social games where reputation is at stake.

“One way to limit the cost of lying is to actually believe your own stories.”
Lionel Page · 07:00

“It's not a lie if you believe it.”
Lionel Page · 14:00

#self-deception#psychology#evolution#social strategy

Explainer15:00

Why Reputation Keeps Us Honest

Reputation acts as society's enforcement mechanism for cooperation. Because we interact repeatedly, the 'shadow of the future' — the risk of damaged reputation — discourages short-term cheating and promotes long-term trustworthiness.

Reputation is a shared record of past behavior.
Repeated interactions make defection costly.
Fear of losing reputation keeps people mostly honest.
It's the foundation of large-scale human cooperation.

“Reputation is what makes us comply with the rules of cooperating.”
Lionel Page · 18:00

#reputation#cooperation#game theory#social norms

Explainer31:30

How Ambiguity Enables Social Negotiation

We often communicate indirectly — like asking 'Want to grab a drink?' instead of making a direct advance — to maintain plausible deniability. This lets us test social waters without risking rejection or conflict if the message isn't reciprocated.

Indirect speech allows message delivery with deniability.
It's common in dating, bribes, and office conflicts.
Ambiguity protects relationships when intentions fail.
It reflects the underlying conflict in most social interactions.

“If I say 'Do you want to go have a drink?' and you say no, I can pretend I just wanted a drink.”
Lionel Page · 33:00

#communication#pragmatics#social strategy#language

Story· 2

Story10:00

Why Couples Both Think They Do More Chores

In relationships, both partners often believe they do more than 50% of the housework — a statistical impossibility. This illustrates how self-serving reasoning distorts perception: each person sees the world through 'rose-tinted glasses' that favor their own contribution.

Couples consistently overestimate their share of household labor.
The total reported effort often exceeds 100%.
This reflects a universal tendency toward self-serving bias.
We interpret reality in ways that support our social position.

“Ask couples what percentage of the housework they do — the sum is always higher than 100%.”
Lionel Page · 10:00

#relationships#self-deception#cognitive bias#social perception

Story40:00

How 'Venting' Is Actually Social Signaling

When someone says, 'I'm worried about Roberta — she's sleeping with everyone,' they're not just expressing concern. They're broadcasting judgment, distancing themselves morally, and spreading gossip — all while maintaining plausible deniability by framing it as care.

Venting often masks gossip and moral posturing.
It allows speakers to share sensitive information safely.
The speaker positions themselves as virtuous by contrast.
It's a form of indirect social competition.

“I'm so worried about Roberta... she's just sleeping with all these guys.”
Chris · 40:00

#gossip#social signaling#venting#intra-sexual competition

Tool· 1

Tool50:00

Paltering: Lying by Telling the Truth

Paltering is the act of deceiving others by saying true things that mislead. For example, saying 'Thank you' when praised for a homemade cake — even if you bought it — implies credit without outright lying.

Paltering uses truth to create false impressions.
It's not a lie, but it induces error.
Common in relationships, politics, and advertising.
Relies on the listener's assumptions to do the misleading.

“Saying 'thank you' for a compliment on a cake you didn't make — that's paltering.”
Lionel Page · 51:00

#deception#communication#ethics#psychology

Takeaway· 1

Takeaway87:00

We’re Better Players When We Don’t Know the Game

We’re unaware of the strategic games we play because self-awareness would undermine our effectiveness. Emotions like love and loyalty are credible commitments that work best when we genuinely feel them — not when we’re calculating.

Strategic awareness can make us seem untrustworthy.
Love and friendship are commitment signals.
We’re better at cooperation when we believe in it.
The mind may hide the 'game' to help us play it better.

“Humans are better at playing games when they don't know they're games.”
Chris · 94:00

#self-awareness#trust#emotions#evolutionary psychology