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Ben Aldridge31 July 2021

How To Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable - Ben Aldridge - #352

2Frameworks
11Insights

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Frameworks in this episode

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Hot Take· 1

Hot Take48:30

The problem with 'get comfortable being uncomfortable' in CrossFit

Williamson challenges the CrossFit slogan because people quietly append 'within a domain I get to choose.' Getting tougher only at chosen challenges builds no robustness for the unchosen catastrophes that actually matter, like giving a eulogy while terrified of public speaking. The whole point of elected discomfort is to prepare for the forced-upon-you kind you can never opt into.

  • Slogan users secretly limit discomfort to domains they choose
  • Toughness in chosen domains does not transfer to forced hardship
  • Real challenges, like giving a eulogy, are by definition unelected
  • Elected practice exists to prepare you for unchosen catastrophe

get comfortable being uncomfortable and then in brackets afterwards within a domain that i get to choose

Chris Williamson · 49:00
#resilience#crossfit#mindset#training for life

Explainer· 6

Explainer01:30

What a panic attack actually feels like when there's no trigger

Aldridge describes anxiety disorder as the physical symptoms of fear, shaky hands, nausea, racing heart, but arriving with no trigger and running 24/7. His own spiral had no single cause; it built from cumulative stress and an unhelpful internal dialogue. Not being able to draw a line from cause to effect made it more terrifying, because you start to wonder if you are actually dying.

  • A panic attack can make you feel like you are dying
  • Anxiety disorder is fear's physical symptoms without any trigger, all the time
  • His spiral had no single cause, just cumulative stress and poor self-talk
  • Not understanding mental health made the physical symptoms more frightening

if you don't know what one is it feels like you're dying to be honest

Ben Aldridge · 01:30

imagine not having a trigger or a reason and you just have those sensations all the time 24 7

Ben Aldridge · 02:00
#anxiety#panic attacks#mental health
Explainer03:30

The shrinking Overton window of your nervous system

Williamson borrows the Overton window idea, the band of acceptable public speech, to describe how modern life narrows the range between sympathetic and parasympathetic activation we can tolerate. We rarely sprint hard or sit in deep boredom like our ancestors did, so a work presentation or a dead phone at a train station knocks us into distress. James Nestor's breathwork, extreme activation of both systems, is presented as a way to widen that window back out.

  • The Overton window normally describes acceptable public speech
  • Applied to the nervous system, it is the band of arousal we can tolerate
  • Modern life keeps us in a narrow middle, never sprinting or deeply bored
  • Extreme breathwork can pull the tolerable range back out

a lot of the time we exist in a increasingly narrower and narrower band of this sympathetic to parasympathetic situation

Chris Williamson · 04:30
#breathwork#nervous system#stress
Explainer14:30

Two paths to gratitude: loving kindness vs negative visualization

Aldridge highlights the striking overlap between Stoicism and Buddhism, developed thousands of miles apart, especially around presence and gratitude. Buddhism builds gratitude and empathy through loving kindness meditation, wishing even difficult people well. Stoicism gets there through negative visualization, contemplating the loss of what you have to deepen appreciation for it.

  • Stoicism and Buddhism converge on presence and gratitude despite separate origins
  • Loving kindness meditation wishes even challenging people well to build empathy
  • Stoic negative visualization imagines loss to increase gratitude
  • Aldridge prefers philosophical Buddhism over its ritual-heavy branches

the stoic way of doing this was through negative visualization so they would picture things being taken away from them

Ben Aldridge · 15:30
#buddhism#stoicism#gratitude#meditation
Explainer19:30

The CBT golden rule: blast negative thoughts with logic

Aldridge credits CBT with making him conscious of his internal dialogue, which during peak anxiety was relentlessly unhelpful. The CBT golden rule he leans on is to attack negative thoughts with logic; it feels unnatural at first but becomes automatic with practice. He and Williamson argue CBT has been under-popularized compared to Stoicism and Buddhism and should be taught in schools.

  • Awareness of your internal dialogue is the first step to changing it
  • The CBT golden rule is to blast negative thoughts with logic
  • It feels forced at first but becomes automatic with repetition
  • CBT is under-popularized relative to Stoicism and pop psychology

the cbt kind of golden rule is that you blast your negative thoughts with logic and you use logic to destroy the negative dialogue

Ben Aldridge · 20:30
#cbt#self-talk#anxiety#mental health
Explainer38:00

Why novelty and intensity make time feel richer and slower

Williamson explains that the sense of time speeding up is really a retrospective judgment about how little memory a period laid down. Novelty and intensity are the two main drivers of memory formation, which is why a holiday leaves vivid recall while an ordinary week vanishes. Aldridge's constant new challenges deliberately inject that novelty, bringing color and a sense of adventure back into everyday life.

  • Feeling time speed up is a retrospective judgment about thin memory, not real clock speed
  • Novelty and intensity are the two main drivers of memory formation
  • Vivid holiday memories versus a forgotten ordinary week illustrate the effect
  • Seeking novel challenges makes life more memorable and adventurous

novelty and intensity are the two main drivers of memory formation

Chris Williamson · 38:00
#memory#time perception#novelty
Explainer44:30

How restriction and forcing functions unlock more creativity

Lockdown limits pushed Aldridge to climb Everest on his stairs and run a marathon in his tiny garden, feats he would never otherwise have done. Williamson generalizes this with Jack Butcher's Visualize Value, whose fixed black-background white-shape style removes color and font decisions so creativity must happen at the fundamental level. The paradox of choice means too many variables kills real creativity; removing choices that don't matter frees energy for what does.

  • Constraints forced Aldridge into his most memorable lockdown challenges
  • Jack Butcher's fixed visual style is a forcing function for real creativity
  • Too many variables produces choice paralysis, not creativity
  • Reduce restrictions on what matters by removing choices that don't

sometimes a restriction can actually give us creativity the limits can actually enable us to have more creativity

Chris Williamson · 44:30
#creativity#constraints#forcing functions

Story· 2

Story08:00

How the Stoics and Cynics practised looking like an idiot on purpose

Aldridge and Williamson trade stories of ancient philosophers deliberately courting discomfort and shame. Cato wore clothes designed to feel embarrassing and walked backward through crowds; the Cynics, whom Aldridge calls the trolls of ancient Greece, went barefoot in itchy clothes; Zeno pushed disciples so they would drop wine and get stared at. Diogenes lived in a pot and told Alexander the Great to get out of his sunlight.

  • Cato deliberately wore shameful clothing to practise feeling like an idiot
  • The Cynics were like the trolls of ancient Greece
  • Zeno spilled wine on disciples so they had to endure public stares
  • Diogenes lived in a pot and told Alexander the Great to move out of his sun

there was a stoic called cato who would deliberately wear things to feel shame so he could practice feeling like an idiot

Ben Aldridge · 08:30

i would wish for you to get out of my sunlight

Chris Williamson · 11:00
#stoicism#cynics#philosophy#voluntary discomfort
Story29:30

Using scary climbing to learn to sit with adrenaline

Because adrenaline feels much like a panic attack, Aldridge trained tolerance for it by pushing his climbing, including a frozen technical route in Wales and deep water soloing above the sea. Falling and being fine releases endorphins and proves you can do something scary. He recommends an artificial deep-water climbing wall over a pool near Charlotte, noting the head game kicks in hard above about 10 meters.

  • Adrenaline feels similar to a panic attack, so tolerating it trains anxiety management
  • Deep water soloing means falling into the sea if you slip
  • Falling and being fine releases endorphins and proves capability
  • Above roughly 10 meters the challenge becomes mostly a head game

learning how to be okay with having adrenaline is essentially learning how to manage almost anxiety as well

Ben Aldridge · 30:00
#climbing#adrenaline#fear#resilience

Tool· 1

Tool28:00

The 100 days of rejection therapy challenge

Williamson points listeners to the 100 days of rejection therapy challenge, where you deliberately make requests likely to be refused, like asking a stranger for 100 pounds or ordering a square pizza. The point mirrors Aldridge's work but is aimed squarely at social anxiety and the fear of others judging you or rejecting you. A yes sometimes yields a great story too.

  • Deliberately seek rejection for 100 straight days
  • Make absurd requests strangers are likely to refuse
  • The aim is defusing social anxiety and fear of judgment
  • An unexpected yes can produce a memorable story

just google 100 days of rejection therapy challenge and it's exactly what it says it's 100 days of rejection

Chris Williamson · 28:30
#rejection therapy#social anxiety#challenge

Takeaway· 1

Takeaway16:30

Why remembering impermanence defuses panic and despair

The Buddhist and Stoic idea of impermanence, that everything changes, is Aldridge's tool for panic attacks and hard challenges: in the grip of panic you believe this is forever, but reminding yourself it will pass is powerful. Williamson connects it to suicide research, where a key prerequisite is the belief that things will never get better, the present stretching into eternity.

  • Impermanence means every state, however bad, will change
  • In panic you believe the moment is permanent; recalling change breaks that
  • A driver of suicidal despair is believing it will never get better
  • The same reminder helps friends weaning off medication get through the day

when you're caught up in panic you think that's it it's you're just here but remembering that everything moves and evolves and changes

Ben Aldridge · 17:00
#impermanence#buddhism#stoicism#mental health