Mary Harrington07 March 2022

Modern Society Is Failing Men & Women - Mary Harrington - #444

0Frameworks

10Insights

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 2

Myth Buster16:00

TikTok May Be Causing a New Type of Tourette's

Mary Harrington discusses a rising epidemic of Tourette-like symptoms among teenage girls, not caused by genetics but by mimicking influencers on TikTok. This suggests a new form of psychological contagion spreading through social media, challenging the idea that youth subcultures still exist organically.

Clinics are seeing a surge in Tourette’s-like tics among teenage girls.
Symptoms match those displayed by social media influencers, suggesting mimicry.
This is not classical Tourette’s and doesn’t respond to traditional treatments.
It reflects how online behavior can manifest as real physical symptoms.

“Girls appear to be catching this from influencers who display those symptoms on TikTok.”
Mary Harrington · 16:50

#mental-health#social-media#tiktok#psychological-contagion

Myth Buster58:00

BDSM’s Popularity Is a Backlash Against Equality

Mary Harrington suggests that the rise of BDSM and kink is not random—it’s a psychological response to extreme egalitarianism. The more society pushes equality, the more people sexualize power imbalances, making taboo dynamics feel exciting and forbidden.

BDSM popularity reflects a subconscious craving for power dynamics.
As society enforces equality, people sexualize inequality in private.
Taboos create erotic charge—repressing power dynamics makes them more appealing.
This is a predictable outcome of denying human nature.

“The more egalitarian society becomes, the more kinky people's sex lives are going to be.”
Mary Harrington · 58:45

#bds#gender-dynamics#human-nature#sexual-psychology

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take21:00

The War on Relationships Is Replacing Love With Markets

Mary Harrington argues that modern society is systematically dismantling spontaneous human connections by replacing them with market-mediated interactions. From dating apps to OnlyFans, intimacy is being commodified, weakening organic relationships between men and women.

Spontaneous interpersonal interactions are discouraged in favor of commercialized alternatives.
Dating apps promote endless optionality, discouraging long-term commitment.
Policies during the pandemic banned non-market socializing while allowing market-based interactions.
Zoom and OnlyFans replaced family gatherings and romantic encounters.

“Everything which was banned came under the heading of spontaneous interpersonal interaction... and everything which was somehow allowed served the market.”
Mary Harrington · 22:45

#relationships#dating-culture#marketization#social-decline

Hot Take31:30

Attacking Chivalry Was Feminism’s Biggest Self-Owning Move

Mary Harrington argues that dismissing chivalry as condescending was a catastrophic mistake. These social codes helped restrain male physical dominance, especially for vulnerable women outside privileged circles, and their erosion has led to greater intimate violence.

Chivalry acted as a social safeguard against male violence, especially for less privileged women.
Wealthier feminists felt safe discarding these norms, not considering others.
Removing chivalrous codes removed behavioral guardrails for men with poor impulse control.
The result has been increased normalization of intimate violence.

“Attacking chivalry as a set of social codes has been the biggest self-own that feminism could possibly have come up with.”
Mary Harrington · 31:45

#feminism#chivalry#gender-dynamics#social-norms

Explainer· 3

Explainer01:00

Why Bedtime Routine Matters for Kids

Mary Harrington explains that treating small children like rational beings who need negotiation leads to chaos, but approaching them more like trainable animals—lovingly and firmly—can create a calm, predictable bedtime routine. The goal is to train the unconscious mind so that routines become instinctive, reducing stress for both parents and children.

Negotiating with young children as rational equals leads to conflict and exhaustion.
Children benefit from firm, loving routines established early in life.
A consistent bedtime routine trains the unconscious mind, making it easier over time.
This approach is similar to martial arts training—building instinctive responses through repetition.

“If you treat them as something a little bit more like dogs that need to be trained... you'll have a child who likes a bedtime…”
Mary Harrington · 01:15

#parenting#child-development#routine#behavior-training

Explainer06:00

Digital Cultures Create Parallel Universes

Reading a memoir about raising a transgender child felt like entering a parallel universe to Mary Harrington. Despite sincere beliefs on all sides, opposing interpretations of the same facts create irreconcilable worldviews, especially in online culture wars where certainty replaces dialogue.

People on opposing sides of trans rights debates interpret the same facts in completely contradictory ways.
Each side believes their view with absolute certitude, making reconciliation impossible.
This phenomenon mirrors how digital culture fragments reality into isolated, self-reinforcing bubbles.
The stakes are high, especially when children's bodies are involved.

“It was like diving feet first into a completely parallel universe.”
Mary Harrington · 06:45

#digital-culture#culture-wars#trans-rights#belief-systems

Explainer36:30

The Pill Decoupled Sex From Consequences—And Changed Everything

The invention of the pill and access to abortion didn’t just prevent pregnancy—it changed the dynamics of courtship. Women lost a material reason to say no to degrading sex, and men no longer faced social pressure to commit, leading to a collapse in shotgun weddings and long-term bonding.

Before the pill, saying no to sex carried pregnancy risk, giving women leverage.
With contraception, men could pressure women into sex without long-term consequences.
Abortion removed social obligation for men to marry women they impregnated.
This led to a rise in casual, often loveless, sexual encounters.

“It was easier sometimes to just have sex with a man out of politeness to make him go away because they knew you were on…”
Mary Harrington · 37:15

#sexual-revolution#abortion#gender-dynamics#social-consequences

Story· 2

Story24:30

South Korea’s 'Untact' Policy Removes Human Contact

During the pandemic, South Korea accelerated a policy called 'untact'—removing all human contact to boost productivity by automating shops, libraries, and services. Mary Harrington criticizes this as dehumanizing, ignoring the fundamental human need for connection.

South Korea’s 'untact' policy aims to eliminate human interaction for efficiency.
Automation extends to shops, libraries, and customer service.
The policy assumes humans don’t need social contact, contradicting human nature.
It reflects a broader trend of treating life as an optimization problem.

“They're removing any messy frictional situations where people are involved in interactions with one another.”
Mary Harrington · 24:45

#technology#human-connection#productivity#south-korea

Story44:00

Young Women Are Withdrawing From Hypersexualized Culture

After years of 'don’t shame me' sexual liberation, many young women are rejecting hypersexualization, deleting revealing photos and avoiding degrading encounters. This backlash stems from traumatic experiences masked as 'kink' or fun, with no space to admit they were harmful.

Many young women are pulling back from online sexualization.
They report traumatic experiences disguised as consensual 'kink'.
There was no cultural space to say 'that was abusive' without being shamed.
A growing sex-negative movement is emerging among Gen Z women.

“Young women have just had enough... especially the girls who went through the tumbly years where it was all 'don’t shame me'.”
Mary Harrington · 44:20

#youth-culture#sex-negativity#sexual-liberation#mental-health

Takeaway· 1

Takeaway59:30

Men Need Spaces to Be Together Without Women

Mary Harrington observes that spaces for men to bond without women—like sports teams or clubs—have drastically shrunk. This loss may contribute to male loneliness, poor mental health, and rising suicide rates, suggesting that such spaces are vital for male well-being.

Single-sex male spaces have declined over the past few decades.
These spaces allow for unique forms of communication and bonding.
Their absence may contribute to male isolation and sadness.
Rebuilding them could improve men’s mental health and social resilience.

“The number of spaces where men can be men together without the company of women has really shrunk.”
Mary Harrington · 59:45

#men#mental-health#social-spaces#male-bonding