Alfie Brown08 November 2021

Not Sucking At Fatherhood, DIY & Halloween - Alfie Brown - #395

0Frameworks

11Insights

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster02:30

Comedians Aren't Naturally Good With Kids

Alfie debunks the assumption that comedians can easily entertain children, explaining that performing for kids is far more challenging than for adults — even tougher than a rowdy late-night comedy gig.

Performed at a loud, drunk comedy gig — still easier than entertaining kids.
Kids have no regard for a performer's ego or boundaries.
Being a comedian doesn't translate to being good at children's parties.

“An audience of drunk adults at 11 PM still had more semblance of care about my ego than seven-year-olds.”
Alfie Brown · 02:30

#comedy#parenting#performance

Explainer· 1

Explainer34:00

Men Need Purpose to Avoid Depression

Alfie shares a psychologist's WWII story: catatonic men got up to drive ambulances during the Blitz. He argues men are motivated by purpose and achievement, and losing it — like during lockdown — can lead to deep depression.

Catatonic psychiatric patients rose to help during wartime.
Men are driven by the ability to achieve goals.
Losing purpose, such as during lockdown, caused deep depression.

“If you give a man the ability to achieve a goal, he'll crawl over broken glass with a smile.”
Alfie Brown · 35:00

#mental-health#fatherhood#purpose

Story· 7

Story03:00

Why Kids Hit During Birthday Parties

Alfie recounts his experience hosting his son's Halloween-themed birthday party, where he entertained seven-year-olds with scary laughs — only to be physically attacked by them. He reflects on how children express affection through hitting, possibly due to underdeveloped emotional expression.

Children responded to his silly performance by hitting him repeatedly.
He interprets this as a form of affection, akin to 'pulling pigtails'.
Suggests kids lack the emotional vocabulary to express fondness verbally.

“As soon as you display any sort of like I'm a cool fun guy who likes kids, the children will just start hitting you.”
Alfie Brown · 03:00

#fatherhood#child-development#parenting

Story06:30

Dad's Halloween: No Costume, No Purpose

Alfie describes skipping Halloween costumes while hosting his kids' party, feeling like a 'creepy over-enthusiastic adult' without one. He reflects on how costumes provide social context and authority, especially for dads trying to engage.

Didn't dress up, felt socially awkward and out of place.
Costumes help signal role and authority to children.
Without one, adults risk seeming like odd intruders in kids' play.

“If I was in like a kit, then everybody got: okay, good — that's what his role tonight is.”
Alfie Brown · 07:00

#fatherhood#Halloween#social-roles

Story23:30

DIY Dad Fails: Orange Walls and Lost Deposits

Alfie shares a DIY disaster story from early fatherhood — repainting a flat orange without asking the landlord, ruining the deposit. He reflects on the pressure to 'do dad things' despite lacking skills.

Repainted a rental flat orange without permission.
Lost the security deposit as a result.
Illustrates the pressure new dads feel to contribute through DIY.

“I repainted it orange and like without asking the landlord — what an idiot.”
Alfie Brown · 24:00

#fatherhood#DIY#home-improvement

Story27:00

Feeling Useless During Childbirth

Alfie describes the helplessness he felt during his child's birth, especially under COVID restrictions that limited his presence. He shares the surreal experience of waiting while medical staff checked dilation, feeling awkward and powerless.

Couldn't stay overnight due to hospital rules during the pandemic.
Felt intense discomfort watching midwives check his partner's progress.
Describes the emotional toll of being unable to support physically.

“They have to come in and check her every now and again... and you kind of go, 'I wonder... I don't know what the ceiling's…”
Alfie Brown · 28:00

#fatherhood#childbirth#parenting

Story29:30

Baby in ICU After Rapid Birth

Alfie recounts how his newborn had to spend a week in intensive care after an extremely fast labor that left the baby with fluid in the lungs and a strep B infection. He reflects on the emotional strain of visiting hours and feeling helpless.

Labor progressed from 1cm to fully dilated in 45 minutes.
Baby was born quickly and had amniotic fluid in lungs.
Spent seven days in ICU with strep B, requiring tubes and monitoring.

“He came out so quickly... didn't have enough of his fluid pumped out — had a lungs full of amniotic fluid.”
Alfie Brown · 30:00

#fatherhood#childbirth#parenting

Story38:00

Going Mad During Lockdown

Alfie describes losing his sense of purpose during lockdown, resorting to bouncing on a trampoline while his partner watched TV, realizing he looked insane. He reflects on how losing performance crushed his identity.

Bounced on a trampoline to seek attention during lockdown.
Felt like he was going mad from lack of audience and purpose.
Missed the emotional feedback of live comedy deeply.

“I was bouncing on the trampoline staring at her... I looked at myself and thought, 'I've gone mad.'”
Alfie Brown · 39:00

#mental-health#lockdown#comedy

Story59:00

Failed Candle Obsession During Lockdown

Alfie shares how he tried to get into candle-making during lockdown as a 'thing' to be passionate about, but ended up coating his ceiling in soot — requiring a repaint — proving it wasn't his true interest.

Tried candle-making as a lockdown hobby to find purpose.
Burned so many candles they coated the ceiling in soot.
Had to pay to repaint the room — a clear sign it wasn't his thing.

“I coated the ceiling of this room in so much soot that I actually needed to get it paid to be repainted.”
Alfie Brown · 60:00

#hobbies#lockdown#self-discovery

Tool· 1

Tool51:00

Fitness Classes Build Accountability

Alfie explains how joining fitness classes helped him stay consistent, emphasizing that paying for a class outsources motivation and intensity, making it easier to stick to a routine.

Pays for classes to outsource accountability and motivation.
Believes financial investment increases commitment.
Prefers group settings over solo workouts for consistency.

“If you have the money and you're choosing to spend it elsewhere and complaining about your fitness goals — that's a you problem.”
Host · 51:30

#fitness#accountability#mental-health

Takeaway· 1

Takeaway32:00

Shelves and Weights: Tangible Proof of Purpose

Alfie reflects that men often seek measurable accomplishments — like building shelves or lifting weights — because they provide concrete proof of contribution, unlike emotional support, which is harder to quantify.

Men crave tangible results to feel useful.
Shelves and weights offer visible, measurable progress.
Emotional support, while valuable, lacks clear metrics.

“At the end of my life, I can look back on a series of shelves and weights and think: at least I believed this thing…”
Alfie Brown · 33:30

#fatherhood#mental-health#purpose