Macken Murphy15 August 2024

The New Science Of Why Men & Women Cheat - Macken Murphy - #825

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8Insights

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster19:00

Men Don’t Just Cheat Down — They Cheat Up Too

Contrary to the common belief that men cheat with less attractive partners for convenience, new research shows men also tend to 'cheat up' in physical attractiveness while 'cheating down' in parental qualities. This mirrors the dual mating pattern seen in women, suggesting men also prioritize different benefits in affair versus primary partners.

Men were more likely to have affairs with partners they rated as more physically attractive.
But those same affair partners were rated as worse potential co-parents.
This contradicts the idea that men simply 'cheat down' for easier access.
The pattern suggests dual mating may be a human-wide strategy, not just female-specific.

“Men also contrary to Conventional wisdom men also tended to cheat up in terms of physical attractiveness and cheat down in terms of Parental attractiveness.”
guest · 19:00

#infidelity#gender-differences#mating-strategies

Explainer· 3

Explainer00:30

Dual Mating vs. Mate Switching: The Science of Infidelity

Evolutionary psychology has long debated why women commit infidelity. The dual mating hypothesis suggests women seek better genes from affair partners while keeping a reliable primary partner for parenting. In contrast, the mate switching hypothesis proposes affairs are a way to trade up to a better overall mate. New research tested these theories by comparing how people rated their affair and primary partners.

Dual mating: women seek 'good genes' from affair partners while relying on primary partners for parenting investment.
Mate switching: affairs function as a strategy to replace a current partner with a higher-value one.
The dual mating hypothesis predicts affair partners are more physically attractive but less parental; mate switching predicts affair partners are better overall.
A pre-registered study found support for dual mating: affair partners were rated more physically attractive, while primary partners were seen as better parents.

“The Dual mating hypothesis was I would say strongly supported best case scenario... the worst case scenario for mate switching.”
guest · 17:30

#infidelity#evolutionary-psychology#mating-strategies

Explainer65:30

The Multiple Investors Hypothesis of Infidelity

An alternative theory to dual mating and mate switching is the 'multiple investors' hypothesis, which suggests women may have affairs to gain additional resources from multiple partners. This is especially relevant in environments where one partner cannot provide sufficient support, making infidelity a strategy for survival rather than mate quality.

Women may seek supplementary resources from multiple mates when primary partners are uninvested.
This is not a 'quality-driven' strategy but a 'quantity of resources' strategy.
Observed in populations like the HBA of Namibia, where resource scarcity is high.
Anecdotally, some women maintain 'sugar daddy' relationships for financial stability.

“Multiple investors is a very interesting hypothesis... if a woman can't get enough resources from one man, she can obtain supplementary resources from additional mates…”
guest · 67:30

#infidelity#resource-acquisition#evolutionary-adaptation

Explainer72:00

Why Men and Women Get Jealous Differently

Men are generally more distressed by sexual infidelity, while women are more upset by emotional infidelity. This aligns with evolutionary concerns: men fear raising another man’s child (cuckoldry), while women fear losing investment in their offspring. These differences support the dual mating hypothesis, as men guard against genetic betrayal and women against emotional diversion of resources.

Men are more concerned with sexual infidelity due to paternity uncertainty.
Women are more concerned with emotional infidelity due to investment uncertainty.
This pattern appears across cultures, though the degree varies.
The dual mating hypothesis explains these differences as evolved psychological safeguards.

“Men are paranoid about getting cuckolded... women are more concerned with losing investment because women's investment is more obligate.”
guest · 73:30

#jealousy#sex-differences#evolutionary-psychology

Story· 1

Story91:00

Social Media as a Modern Mating Duet

Just as gibbons sing duets to signal pair bonding, humans use social media to broadcast relationship status. Actions like deleting dating apps, posting partners, and unfollowing alternatives serve as modern commitment signals. These behaviors increase perceived commitment, especially for anxious individuals, though they don’t fully ease deep insecurities.

Gibbons sing duets to signal pair bonds; humans post relationship updates on social media.
Deleting dating apps and ignoring flirtatious messages signal commitment.
High-anxiety individuals feel more discomfort when partners interact with alternatives.
Public commitment signals help, but don’t fully resolve attachment anxiety.

“Whenever I see someone put up their girlfriend post and share the story, it's kind of like you're doing a duet — signaling hey, we're…”
guest · 92:30

#social-media#mating-signals#relationship-commitment

Q&A· 1

Q&A28:30

Why Do People Really Cheat?

When asked directly, both men and women most commonly cited relationship dissatisfaction as their primary reason for cheating. However, women were twice as likely as men to mention it, suggesting deeper relational dynamics at play. Other motivations included revenge, novelty, and attraction to the affair partner.

Relationship dissatisfaction was the top stated reason for infidelity in both sexes.
65% of women mentioned it, compared to only 30% of men.
Revenge was a major motivator for 15.5% of women, often in response to a partner’s own infidelity.
Only 5% of women said their affair partner was more attractive, despite 77% preferring them physically in ratings.

“The top motivation for men and for women was relationship dissatisfaction in their stated motivations.”
guest · 28:30

#infidelity-motivations#relationship-dynamics#cheating-reasons

Takeaway· 2

Takeaway80:30

Who Is Likely to Cheat?

Past behavior is the strongest predictor of future infidelity: those who cheated before are more likely to do so again. Other predictors include high sociosexuality, narcissism, and visible interest in others. Relationship satisfaction and attachment style also play key roles in both committing and detecting infidelity.

Having cheated in a past relationship triples the likelihood of cheating again.
People with unrestricted sociosexuality (open to casual sex) are more likely to cheat.
Narcissism and high partner interest in others are red flags.
Digital secrecy (e.g., guarding phones) is a common behavioral sign of active cheating.

“Have they cheated on a past partner? Once a cheater, always a cheater — this lines up with our folk psychology.”
guest · 80:30

#infidelity-predictors#relationship-advice#behavioral-signs

Takeaway98:00

Is Cheating in Your Genes?

Like most human behaviors, infidelity has a heritable component. Twin studies suggest genetic factors influence the likelihood of cheating, though not through a single 'cheating gene' but through complex interactions of traits like risk-taking, sociosexuality, and honesty. This implies some people may be biologically predisposed to infidelity.

Cheating is heritable, like most behaviors, due to genetic influences on personality and decision-making.
No single 'cheating gene' exists; it’s shaped by thousands of genes with small effects.
Traits like risk-taking, low honesty, and unrestricted sociosexuality co-vary with infidelity.
This doesn’t excuse cheating, but suggests some people may be more biologically prone to it.

“Everything's heritable... it would be bizarre if genes had no influence on any behavior.”
guest · 98:00

#behavioral-genetics#infidelity#heredity