Why Are Young Men Feeling So Lost? - Mike Thurston - #607
0Frameworks
23Insights
Insights & moments
The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.
⚡Myth Buster· 1
⚡Myth Buster31:00
The Sexlessness Stats: Why Aren't Young Men Even Trying?
Chris cites recent Pew data showing roughly a third of men aged 18-30 haven't had sex in the past year, and only half say they're even pursuing a relationship — a rate that dropped sharply from 61% in 2019 to 50% four years later, a rapid decline that surprises both hosts.
About 30% of men aged 18-30 haven't had sex in the last year (Pew data)
Only 50% of men 18-30 say they're pursuing a relationship, short or long term — down from 61% in 2019
Testosterone has reportedly dropped roughly 1% per year since 1980, cited as a contributing factor alongside phthalates/estrogen exposure
Mike suggests many of these men are checked out, not in a productive 'monk mode' but a full retreat from dating and society
“30 of men ish around about a third of men haven't had sex in the last year aged 18 to 30”
#dating#statistics#men#testosterone
◆Hot Take· 3
◆Hot Take36:00
Andrew Tate Is Right About the Diagnosis, Wrong About the Prescription
Chris cites Ben Shapiro's assessment of Andrew Tate — that Tate is 'almost always right about the diagnosis' of problems facing men but 'significantly less right about the prescription' to fix them — and adds that Tate's delivery makes people defensive rather than persuaded.
Shapiro's line: Tate correctly identifies problems but his solutions are often less effective
Chris says he's 'nowhere near red-pilled enough for most of the manosphere' but 'too red-pilled' for the mainstream/left side
Making people feel silly or ridiculed makes them dig into their position rather than change their mind
“Tate is almost always right about the diagnosis but significantly less right about the prescription to fix it”
#andrew-tate#masculinity#ben-shapiro#persuasion
◆Hot Take48:30
The Sympathy Asymmetry: Men Get Blamed, Women Get Structural Support
Chris argues that while both young men and women face real struggles today, men uniquely lack societal sympathy — pointing to Title IX, introduced when women were a minority on university campuses, which now sees men underrepresented at an even larger gap with no equivalent push to help them.
Title IX was introduced when the gender split favored men by 15 points; the split has since flipped and is now wider in the other direction
Chris argues no one is asking 'how do we help men' the way society historically asked for women
He attributes this partly to a cultural sense that men — 'specifically white men' — have had advantages for so long it's now 'their turn' to struggle, which he says isn't how fairness should work
“men specifically white men have had it good for so long that maybe it's their turn to... be on the receiving end of some disadvantages…”
#masculinity#gender-politics#title-ix#university
◆Hot Take67:00
Success Buys Forgiveness: Fyre Festival, Liver King and Logan Paul
Chris lays out a theory that public forgiveness for unethical behavior is a seesaw between how successful you are and how bad your actions were — using Fyre Festival's Billy McFarland (whose failure made him a villain despite the same ethics as a 'success' would've had), Liver King's ongoing engagement despite being exposed for steroid use, and Logan Paul's ability to keep thriving through scandal after scandal.
Billy McFarland's Fyre Festival collapsed and made him a 'con man'; had it succeeded, the same unethical fundraising would've made him a hailed 'marketing genius'
Liver King still gets heavy engagement on Instagram despite public exposure for steroid use undermining his 'ancestral' natural message
Logan Paul continues thriving (WWE, Prime, business deals) despite the NFT scandal and past controversies, because audiences forgive success
Chris frames it as a balance: amount of success vs. laundry list of bad behavior determines public forgiveness
“for as long as you're successful people will put up with pretty much anything because they are so concerned about being in the trickle-down cast…”
“it's almost like a balance like a seesaw right on one side you have the amount of success... and on the other side you have…”
Why All the Big Podcast Hosts Are in Their 30s and 40s
Chris explains why long-form podcasting is dominated by older hosts (Rogan, Huberman, Ferriss) while short-form platforms are dominated by much younger creators. Long-form conversation exposes whether someone actually has substance — there's 'nowhere to hide' in an hour and a half.
Rogan, Huberman, Tim Dillon, Tim Ferriss and similar hosts all skew 30s-40s
Short-form/TikTok stars rarely succeed at long-form unless repurposing content
A long conversation exposes genuine expertise vs. having 'nothing there'
Older audiences find it hard to take life advice from a 22-year-old even if the advice is sound
“sit someone down for an hour and a half and you go oh there's nothing there there's absolutely nothing there there's nowhere to hide in…”
#podcasting#media#long-form-content#age
✶Explainer24:30
Why Comparison Culture Is Making Young Men Feel Lost
Mike argues that today's young men feel lost mainly because of comparison — he had no one his age to measure himself against at 22-23, whereas now teenagers see 16-21 year olds making huge money and huge followings online, making an ordinary graduate job feel like failure by comparison.
Mike didn't feel lost at 22-23 despite having no clear path, because there was no one to compare himself to
Today's young men see 16-21 year olds becoming rich and famous on social media and feel like failures by comparison
The perceived value of a university degree has dropped, adding confusion about what to even pursue
Mike notes his richest friends mostly don't use their degrees
“I had no one else to compare myself to like I wasn't comparing myself to any other 22 or 23 year old out there”
“comparison is the thief of joy”
#young-men#social-media#comparison#mental-health
✶Explainer29:00
The Jeans-Store Metaphor: Why More Freedom Creates More Anxiety
Chris uses the metaphor of a store with a thousand pairs of jeans to explain why more choice and fewer rigid rules has actually made young men more anxious — when the 'optimal' outcome is theoretically achievable, any suboptimal choice becomes your own fault.
One pair of jeans in a store means the outcome isn't your fault; a thousand pairs means any imperfect choice is
As traditional rules/guidelines have been removed and expectations raised, the pressure of unlimited choice replaces them
Chris frames this as 'internal uncertainty plus external pressure' — a recipe for feeling lost
Traditional male traits (protector, provider, courageous) are now only 'one step away' from being labeled toxic masculinity
“if you choose an ever so slightly sub-optimal pair of genes that's your fault because there was an optimal pair of jeans for you to…”
#masculinity#choice-paradox#young-men#psychology
✶Explainer45:30
Why Women Downplay Their Own Success (Evolutionary Psychology Theory)
Chris offers an evolutionary psychology explanation for why women are less likely to publicly showcase achievement: studies show girls downplay grades when they know results will be public, because unlike men's outward competitiveness, female competition is more subtle, social, and carries a higher jealousy-related risk.
Studies show girls downplay grades that will be made public, unlike boys who broadcast good results
Chris frames female competitiveness as more subtle/social rather than outward, driven partly by risk of jealousy from other women
Applied to public voice-having: women may avoid becoming public spokespeople partly to avoid flattening social hierarchies
“jealousy is a massive risk to women they're very competitive with each other but they're competitive in a much more subtle and nuanced way”
#evolutionary-psychology#women#gender-differences
❝Story· 9
❝Story05:30
Behind the Scenes of the Viral Liver King Exposé Video
Mike reveals his housemate Zach and his editor Alex directly worked on More Plates More Dates' famous Liver King takedown video, spending an enormous amount of time putting it together. Mike watched the whole production unfold behind the scenes and half-expected to be asked to sign an NDA.
Mike's housemate Zach Calendar did the 'Charlatans Playbook' section of Derek's Liver King video
Zach's editor Alex assembled the entire video and worked on it for a very long time
Mike wasn't asked to sign an NDA but chose not to spoil anything anyway
After the video, Derek did Rogan, then Mike's podcast, then a comedy podcast, then went quiet for months
“I wouldn't have surprised me if Derek would have asked me to sign an NDA”
Inside Matt Does Fitness's Grueling 5-Month Natural Testing Protocol
Mike recounts how his close friend Matt Does Fitness asked Derek from More Plates More Dates to design the most rigorous randomized natural-testing protocol possible, a process that took five months and heavy coordination across countries — and still didn't fully satisfy skeptics.
Matt asked Derek to design the most rigorous testing protocol 'in the world'
The process required random testing spread over an exact five-month period, organized across countries
Matt tore his Achilles playing football during the testing period but kept training and got tested throughout
Even after proving no funky stuff was happening, some people still didn't believe him
“he got on that first did everything he could have possibly done and proved that he's not taking anything”
The Hidden Grind Behind Viral Content (Derek's 6-Month Email Backlog)
Mike and Chris discuss how invisible the labor behind big content pieces is. After Derek's Liver King video, Rogan appearance, and press run, Derek admitted to Mike he had six months of unanswered emails because all his time had gone into grinding out the big content push.
Derek told Mike he had 'six months of unanswered emails' after his big content push
He'd released only about three videos since November/December because he was so busy
Vlogging looks effortless but is described as genuinely painful to produce
The number one desired job among American children is now 'influencer'
“dude I'm I have six months of unanswered emails to deal with”
Jesse James Fitness and the 'Reality Distortion Field' at the Arnold Classic
Mike describes watching YouTuber Jesse James Fitness work an expo crowd at the Arnold Classic with an army of security and a full costume, calling it a 'reality distortion field.' Both hosts admire his energy but doubt someone in his early 20s can sustain that pace long-term.
Jesse James (2.5M subs) attended the Arnold Classic in costume with a security entourage
Mike's housemate Zach called watching him work the crowd 'insane'
Jesse is around 23-24 and described as 'full of energy' — but both hosts predict burnout
Mike relates it to his own realization at almost-33 that 'this is the most energetic you are going to be'
“watching it from the outside is [ __ ] insane... like everything he's got he thoroughly deserves however he's not going to be able to…”
#jesse-james#youtube#burnout#influencer-culture
❝Story17:00
Why TV Production Feels Fake Compared to Podcasting
Chris describes his first TV-style experience doing a debate on masculinity in Qatar — a heavily produced event with 100-150 crew — and how staged and stop-start it felt compared to the natural flow of a podcast conversation, including being barred from talking to his debate opponent beforehand.
The masculinity debate in Qatar had 100-150 people on-site production for the event
Chris and his debate opponent were not allowed to speak to each other backstage beforehand
TV requires re-takes and scripted flow (ad breaks, host cues) that podcasting doesn't
Chris argues Jesse James's heavily staged content still works because it 'draws you in' despite being staged
“that's why I don't like TV anymore it seems so fake and staged it doesn't seem real”
#media#tv#podcasting#masculinity-debate
❝Story34:00
The Aurora Theater Shooting: Three Men Died Shielding Their Girlfriends
Chris recounts the 2012 Dark Knight Rises movie theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado, where three young men in their mid-20s threw themselves on top of their girlfriends to shield them from gunfire, dying so the women could survive — using it to argue that protective masculine instinct isn't something society should want to erase.
The 2012 Aurora, Colorado shooting occurred at a Dark Knight Rises premiere
Three men aged 24, 26 and 27 used their bodies as shields for their girlfriends; all three men died, all three women survived
Chris argues this instinct to protect is deeper and more inbuilt than culture or chivalry, not something that should be labeled toxic
“three men 24 26 and 27 threw themselves on top of their girlfriends to use their bodies as Shields all three men died all three…”
Meeting Andrew Tate: From Skeptic to Intrigued to Real-Life Impression
Mike describes his evolving impression of Andrew Tate — dismissing him as showing off after seeing his Instagram in 2021, becoming intrigued after hearing him speak on the Fresh & Fit podcast, then finding him genuinely 'nice, polite, and funny' in person, very different from his on-camera persona.
Mike initially thought Tate's Instagram photos looked like 'showing off' and dismissed him
After listening to Tate's Fresh & Fit podcast appearance, Mike found his way of speaking unlike anyone he'd heard before
Tate DM'd Mike in 2021 and they later linked up and filmed together in Dubai
In person, Mike says Tate 'puts on some kind of a character' for videos — roughly 70% of what he says he agrees with, but the other 30% controversial statements are what draws attention
“in real life he's like a nice guy polite exactly funny”
“it's like 70 of the stuff he says he's like yeah like I strongly agree with that and then he will go and say something…”
#andrew-tate#influencer-culture#personal-story
❝Story51:30
Mike Thurston's 6-Month Sober Experiment and Why He Barely Drinks Now
Mike describes going sober for six months just before turning 29 as a turning point — realizing he could handle socially anxious situations without alcohol, and that he actually prefers his sober self, now drinking only to celebrate specific achievements rather than habitually.
Mike went sober for six months at 29, discovering he could function fine in situations he'd normally drink through
He now drinks rarely, mainly to celebrate having achieved something specific
Sober, Mike says he's more confident, remembers everything, and doesn't say things he regrets
He notes he now spends less money and doesn't wake up feeling like 'absolute trash'
“I actually don't really like the feeling of being drunk anymore... I really like the person who I am now when I'm sober”
#sobriety#alcohol#personal-development
❝Story54:30
Newcastle University Drinking Culture: Nine Vodka Shots for a Fiver
Mike and Chris reminisce about Newcastle's extreme university drinking culture — cheap 'treb' vodka mixers with free Jager bombs meaning nine shots of vodka plus three shots of Jager for five pounds — and discuss how alcohol was used to mask social anxiety in overwhelming club environments.
Three vodka mixers ('trebs') for a fiver, each with a free Jager bomb — nine vodka shots plus three Jager shots for £5
Neither host knew anyone who didn't drink at university; non-drinkers weren't part of the social circle
Both admit they drank specifically to reduce social anxiety in loud, overwhelming club environments
Chris argues 'if you need to drink to enjoy your night out, you're choosing the wrong nights out'
“if you need to drink in order to be able to enjoy your night out you're choosing the wrong nights out... you have to anesthetize…”
#alcohol#university-life#social-anxiety#newcastle
?Q&A· 3
?Q&A19:30
The Fastest (Soulless) Way to Build a YouTube Channel
Asked how someone could grow a YouTube channel as fast as possible if 'prepared to sell their soul,' Mike lays out two low-effort paths: reacting to other people's viral content, or simply talking on camera confidently if you're a good communicator, even without deep expertise.
Reacting to viral content and piggybacking off others' work is the minimal-effort fast-growth route
If you're a confident communicator, you can 'just sit down and talk' with good editing and grow quickly regardless of expertise depth
Mike notes most people who struggle simply lack a skill set or expertise to talk about
“you can just pick up other people's content viral content and just react to it... you're just kind of piggybacking off other people's amazing work”
Why It's So Hard to Find Female Role Models for a Podcast
Chris admits he's actively struggling to find good female role models to feature on his podcast — even successful, intelligent women he approaches directly decline the opportunity to be a public voice for other women, prompting a discussion of why.
Chris has directly asked smart, successful women friends to come on the podcast and be a 'voice for women' — they decline
Mike speculates women may be more self-conscious about appearance on camera than men
Both agree there's a bubbling concern about lacking role models for young women too, not just young men
“I'm literally giving you an opportunity to be the voice of women and to be a role model to all the women out there... why…”
#role-models#women#podcasting#gender
?Q&A63:30
Why Mike Thurston Struggles to Monetize His Following
Despite building a large brand and audience, Mike admits he's 'quite bad at selling things,' pointing out that neither school nor his economics and business management degree ever actually taught him marketing or sales — only the theory and equations.
Mike says he never learned to sell or market despite studying economics and business management at university
He mastered communication and presentation skills through personal training but not commercialization
Both hosts note friends with smaller followings and less impact making significantly more money via sales funnels
Mike says he's not driven by more money once past a certain threshold, but is conscious of 'leaving a lot on the table'
“I've been good uh building a brand and growing a following but I'm actually quite [ __ ] at selling things”
#business#monetization#marketing#personal-brand
▲Takeaway· 3
▲Takeaway02:00
How Mike Thurston Stayed Out of YouTube Drama for a Decade
Mike explains how he's avoided the call-out culture and politics that plague YouTube by never naming names or being opinionated in his content. He treats drama as pure stress with no upside — it never really ends and people say things in the heat of it they later regret.
Never calls anyone out by name in training or lifestyle content — keeps it about the topic, not people
Believes 'just be myself' and not chasing trends is what's actually worked
Drama is 'petty' and cyclical — once it starts it's back-and-forth with no real end
Playing a role or copying someone else's style gets found out quickly because people look for hypocrisy
“I've never really been massively opinionated on anything I'm quite neutral”
“the drama starts it's like backwards forwards backwards forwards it never really ends”
#youtube#content-creation#drama#personal-brand
▲Takeaway20:30
Aubrey Marcus: 'You Serve People From the Source That Overflows Around Your Cup'
Chris shares a line from Onit founder Aubrey Marcus about needing to get your own life in order before trying to teach others — you don't serve people from your cup, you serve them from what overflows around it, meaning you need real capability before you proselytize.
Aubrey Marcus (founder of Onit, sold the company) is credited with the framing
The idea: build genuine capability first, then teach — not the reverse
Chris connects this to why he waited years before starting his own podcast, feeling he needed more life experience first
“you don't serve people from your cup you serve them from the source that overflows around your cup”
#personal-development#advice#aubrey-marcus
▲Takeaway74:30
Why Austin's Casual Community Events Beat Dubai's Networking Scene
Mike and Chris discuss how Austin has a thriving culture of casual, open community meetups (anyone can bring anyone, low-key coffee-garden gatherings that end early) that Dubai lacks, and how Mike is now running a small mastermind event to try to build that kind of community locally.
Austin has recurring open meetups (e.g. 'Based in Austin') where 150+ people show up, anyone can invite anyone, and it's non-hedonistic — done by 8:30pm
Dubai lacks this due to geography and culture; newcomers without an existing network struggle to meet people
Mike is running a 12-person mastermind weekend in Dubai (training, networking, a yacht day) as a first step toward building more community
Chris calls this kind of easy, repeatable community 'life-changing' — able to put people on a completely different path
“if there is more of these events where pretty much anybody can attend... it's life-changing”
“I've never ever ever been anywhere that is so hypersocial and it's insane”