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Freya India17 March 2025

Why Modern Women Feel More Lost Than Ever - Freya India - #916

0Frameworks
20Insights

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster30:30

TikTok Is Convincing Ordinary Shy Girls They Have Autism

Freya, researching a book chapter on TikTok autism content, describes going down a rabbit hole of videos listing symptoms so vague ('shy, nerdy, reads a lot, didn't fit in') that any slightly different girl would self-diagnose as autistic — turning ordinary personality quirks into a lifelong diagnosis narrative.

  • Freya found autism-symptom TikToks describing traits she recognized from her own ordinary childhood (shy, reads a lot, awkward).
  • The content implies that being 'slightly different from the mainstream popular extroverted girl' means you're autistic.
  • She compares this to the misdiagnosis of gender dysphoria — personality traits being reframed as medical symptoms.
  • Attachment style over-identification is called even more pernicious, since it's applied to nearly everyone's core relationship patterns.

if you're just like slightly different from the mainstream popular extroverted girl you're going to be autistic

Freya India · 31:00

that can be like a lifelong sentence of thinking you're different from other people because you're unwell

Freya India · 32:30
#autism#tiktok#self-diagnosis#gen-z

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take05:30

Therapy Culture Is Worse for Women Than Men, Not the Other Way Around

Freya reveals she changed her mind — she used to think therapy culture was harder on men because it demands a 'female' emotional response, but now believes it's more damaging to women because it feeds their existing tendency to ruminate.

  • Women already ruminate more, and therapy culture reinforces that disposition rather than counteracting it.
  • Telling an anxious 14-year-old girl to go further into her own head is the worst advice for her.
  • Men may actually benefit from more of the reflective approach; women need less of it.

if you think of an anxious this young 14-year-old girl the worst thing you can tell her is to go further into her own head…

Freya India · 05:30
#therapy-culture#gender-differences#rumination
Hot Take78:30

Yesterday's 'Toxic Masculinity' Is Today's 'Boss Girl' Feminism

Chris observes that traits once condemned as toxic masculinity — promiscuity, sexual entitlement, hyper-independence — are now celebrated as feminist empowerment when displayed by women; Freya attributes this partly to revenge dynamics and to these traits being algorithmically rewarded online.

  • Promiscuity, sexual entitlement, and hyper-independence are now framed as 'boss girl' feminist power.
  • Freya suggests it's partly a revenge dynamic — women adopting the worst traits they've experienced from men.
  • Assertive, aggressive, promiscuous influencers suit the algorithm better than reserved, modest personalities.
  • Modest or shy young women now get implicitly shamed as needing to 'heal' rather than accepted as simply who they are.

why is it that pretty much all of the examples of toxic masculinity from the past... are all traits that are now regarded as boss…

Chris Williamson · 78:30

if you are a young woman now who's modest you're now shamed... people will think there's something wrong with you

Freya India · 80:30
#feminism#gender-norms#social-media#hot-take

Explainer· 11

Explainer00:00

Why Therapy Culture Has Replaced Religion for Young Women

Freya India argues therapy culture has escalated since social media to fully replace religion as a worldview for young women, mimicking religious structures (affirmations instead of prayer, 'healing journeys' instead of salvation) while stripping out the demands religion makes.

  • Christopher Lasch wrote about therapy replacing religion in the 1970s; Freya sees it accelerated by social media.
  • Therapy culture mirrors religious rituals: affirmations = prayer, 'healing journey' = salvation, reframing intrusive thoughts = resisting temptation.
  • It gives the comfort of religion (belonging, security, faith) without its demands or behavioral standards — 'slippery religion.'

therapy culture has just escalated to the point where I think young women don't see it as a worldview they just see that as kind…

Freya India · 00:30

it gives all the comfort of religion but it takes away the inconvenient parts

Freya India · 02:00
#therapy-culture#religion#young-women#social-media
Explainer02:30

32% of American Teens Had Therapy, Medication, or Treatment in One Year

Freya cites a recent study finding that a third of 12-17 year olds in America had some form of therapy, medication, or mental health treatment in a single year (2023) — a statistic she considers alarming rather than encouraging.

  • 32% of 12-17 year olds in America had therapy, medication, or treatment in 2023.
  • Freya frames this as a 'bleak statistic,' contrasting with others who saw it as a positive sign.
  • Beyond formal therapy, many more girls live inside 'therapy culture' via social media even without treatment.

there was a study recently showing 32% of all 12 to 17 year olds in America have either had therapy been on medication or had…

Freya India · 02:30
#statistics#teen-mental-health#therapy
Explainer06:30

Therapy Culture Is the Female Version of Gym-Bro Optimization Culture

Freya draws a parallel between men's self-optimization/gym culture and women's therapy culture — both function as a way to gain control over uneasy emotions, categorizing and diagnosing feelings instead of sitting with them.

  • Both therapy culture (for women) and gym/optimization culture (for men) are forms of control over discomfort.
  • Diagnosing a feeling ('that's my attachment disorder') replaces simply accepting a painful situation.
  • Girls describing bad relationships often reframe them as personal attachment disorders rather than facing the relationship itself.

I actually think it's a form of control so it's like it's our version of control

Freya India · 06:30

they're actually losing the language to talk about the actual problem that they're facing because they're trying to get control

Freya India · 07:30
#therapy-culture#gym-culture#control#attachment-styles
Explainer08:00

Why Religious Teens Report Less Hopelessness Than Secular Ones

Freya cites Jonathan Haidt's research showing non-religious teens agreed far more strongly with self-disparaging statements like 'I have no hope in myself' than religious, especially conservative, teens — and offers explanations rooted in locus of control and family structure.

  • For the first time in history, young women are less religious than young men (Gen Z men attend church more).
  • Non-religious teens showed much stronger agreement with hopeless/self-disparaging statements than religious teens.
  • Conservative teens tend to have an internal locus of control, live with both parents more often, and have clearer boundaries — all linked to better mental health.

for the first time in history young women are less religious than young men now

Freya India · 08:00
#religion#gen-z#mental-health#research
Explainer10:00

Therapy Culture Is the Mirror Opposite of Religion

Freya argues therapy culture directly inverts religious teaching — where Christianity asks you to die to self and serve others, therapy culture pushes you further into self-discovery and treats any obligation or limit as an obstacle to your wellbeing.

  • Christianity is about giving up parts of yourself for something bigger; therapy culture is about going further into yourself.
  • Young women are taught any obligation or constraint is an obstacle to their mental health.
  • TikTok-style therapy messaging ('don't be a people pleaser,' 'don't be needy') is the opposite of Christian teaching on selflessness.

therapy culture is all about going more and more into yourself discovering yourself... so it's the complete opposite

Freya India · 10:30
#religion#therapy-culture#individualism
Explainer14:00

How Social Media Turned Rumination Into a Group Activity

Freya explains 'co-rumination' — girls dwelling on problems together — and how platforms like Reddit and TikTok function as rumination machines that surface other people's anxious thought patterns and algorithmically reward the most anxious, risk-averse voices.

  • Co-rumination (dwelling on problems together) is known to be bad for girls' mental health.
  • TikTok recommends new disorders and problems the more you engage with anxious content.
  • The most risk-averse, neurotic, anxious women get the most traction, so their outlook spreads fastest.

if you spend too much time on there you will think that like a well-adjusted woman doesn't need anyone doesn't have any distraction in her…

Freya India · 15:00
#social-media#rumination#tiktok#mental-health
Explainer63:00

The Dependency Paradox: Couples Who Depend on Each Other Become More Independent

Freya describes attachment research on the 'dependency paradox' — couples who scored as more dependent on one another in a study (measured via joint puzzle tasks and surveys) went on to achieve their independent personal goals more successfully six months later.

  • Study had couples do puzzles/games, then surveyed how much they relied on each other's answers.
  • More-dependent couples didn't want their partner's help finishing the task independently.
  • Six months later, those more-dependent couples had met their independent goals more than less-dependent couples.
  • Mechanism tied to Mary Ainsworth's attachment research: a secure base gives confidence to explore the world.

the ones that were more dependent... didn't want to hear like the clues or the answers from their partner they wanted to do it independently…

Freya India · 63:00
#attachment-theory#relationships#research#dependency
Explainer52:30

Family Breakdown Is Driving Gen Z's Abandonment Fear

Freya connects rising loneliness among Gen Z to family breakdown — over half of UK 14-year-olds don't live with both parents — arguing this creates a pervasive abandonment fear that shows up as hypersensitivity to criticism and low self-esteem, echoing classic Mary Ainsworth attachment research.

  • Over half of UK children don't live with both mother and father by age 14.
  • Lack of family belonging, absent local community, and declining religion combine to produce intense loneliness.
  • Abandonment symptoms per real attachment theory (Ainsworth) include hypersensitivity to criticism and low self-esteem — traits Freya sees broadly across Gen Z.
  • She argues social media fills the void because there's 'nothing resembling that in real life.'

one of the biggest drivers of behavior we see among gen Z is this abandonment fear and feeling

Freya India · 54:00
#family-breakdown#gen-z#abandonment#loneliness
Explainer56:00

Why Anxious Teens Have More 'Advice' Than Ever but No Real Guidance

Freya argues that despite an explosion of online advice, adults have withdrawn from giving substantive moral or relational guidance — having discarded authority, religion, and moral judgment as 'controlling' — leaving young people with only empty affirmations like 'be yourself' instead of real direction.

  • Parents became more like friends, stepped back from authoritative guidance seen as 'controlling' or 'old-fashioned.'
  • Religion retreated from public life; communities and neighbors stopped knowing each other.
  • Adults avoid moral language (right/wrong, self-improvement) because it's seen as judgmental.
  • What's left is empty platitudes like 'be yourself' and 'you know best,' leaving anxious teens without real direction.

all we have left is like these endless empty platitudes of be yourself you do you you know best

Freya India · 57:30
#parenting#guidance#gen-z#authority
Explainer70:30

Underage Girls Using Fake IDs for OnlyFans — and Why Parents Miss It

Freya unpacks a tweet citing kids as young as nine addicted to porn and 13-year-olds using fake IDs to post explicit content on OnlyFans, arguing parents have become overprotective in the wrong areas (physical safety) while being totally absent from digital/online risks.

  • Cited stats: kids as young as nine addicted to porn, 13-year-olds using fake IDs on OnlyFans, roughly a third of Twitter nude-sellers under 18.
  • Freya argues parents guard against physical injury but not online exposure or exploitation.
  • She links this to feminism's push for equal-strength messaging inadvertently reducing fathers' sense of a protective role, 'killing chivalry' along with patriarchy.

parents are weirdly they're not protective enough but they're also coddling... overbearing in all the wrong areas and totally absent in all of the wrong…

Freya India · 71:00
#onlyfans#parenting#teens#exploitation
Explainer83:00

Gen Z Is Nostalgic for a World They Never Knew — Life Before Smartphones

Freya references Jonathan Haidt's survey finding many Gen Z respondents wish platforms like TikTok and Instagram never existed, an unusual reaction compared to other inventions, reflecting a longing for a pre-digital version of love, friendship, and privacy they never experienced.

  • Haidt's survey found many Gen Z wish TikTok/Instagram never existed — unlike ambivalence toward inventions like bikes or hairdryers.
  • Freya describes friendship for her generation as largely digital (snap streaks, posting for each other) rather than in-person.
  • The concept and mystery of 'having a crush' has been replaced by scrolling someone's Instagram/Facebook history.
  • She argues young people are anxious not because of a disorder but because they're navigating an unprecedented, fast-changing world with no inherited wisdom.

the fact that young people are anxious and can't cope with it is not because they have a disorder it's because they're the first to…

Freya India · 85:30
#gen-z#nostalgia#social-media#jonathan-haidt

Story· 6

Story13:00

TikTok's 'Red Flag' Videos Teach Girls That Everyone Is Toxic

Freya describes how trauma-informed therapists on TikTok, competing for engagement, produce increasingly vague and extreme 'red flag' content — like calling gifts and trips 'love bombing' — which cumulatively teaches girls that any partner could be toxic.

  • A creator labeled receiving gifts and trips as a red flag / 'love bombing.'
  • Vague red-flag criteria (e.g., a comment about your looks) could apply to almost anyone's partner.
  • Watched cumulatively all day, the message becomes 'anyone can be toxic and anyone can be a red flag.'

I literally saw one that said gifts and trips is a red flag because it's love bombing

Freya India · 13:00

if you're scrolling through this all day every day... the message is basically like anyone can be toxic and anyone can be a red flag

Freya India · 13:30
#tiktok#relationships#red-flags#social-media
Story17:00

'Your Distractions Were Just Your Life' — the C.S. Lewis Line That Reframed Chris's Routine Obsession

Chris shares that he had an elaborate, hours-long morning routine for three or four years and recognized himself in a viral 'morning routine' tweet, then quotes a C.S. Lewis line via Oliver Burkman about mistaking life's interruptions for distractions from 'real' life.

  • Chris had a very long, rigid self-improvement routine for 3-4 years, motivated by over a decade of 'catching up' on self-reflection.
  • He references a C.S. Lewis quote: eventually you realize the 'distractions' from your life were just your life.
  • Both recommend Oliver Burkman, especially his book 'Meditations for Mortals.'

eventually you realize that all of these distractions from your life were just your life... like they weren't distractions at all

Chris Williamson · 18:00
#productivity#self-improvement#oliver-burkman#routines
Story20:00

Alex Hormozi's Lesson: The Calls That 'Feel Like Work' but Produce Nothing Are the Most Dangerous

Chris recounts a lesson from Alex Hormozi about investment/advisory calls that feel productive but almost never lead anywhere — arguing that activity which merely feels like work is worse than doing nothing, because it occupies the mental 'parking spot' that real work would otherwise fill. He extends this with the 'highlighter goals' metaphor of obsessing over the setup instead of the outcome.

  • Hormozi asked how many 'advisor/investor' calls Chris was taking, then warned they're the most dangerous kind because they feel like business but rarely produce results.
  • Feeling busy with pseudo-work is worse than idleness because it prevents you from noticing the gap and fixing it.
  • Compared to scam supplements or ineffective training styles that occupy the placeholder of 'something that should work.'
  • 'Highlighter goals': like students with perfect stationery who still fail the exam, people obsess over the system instead of the outcome.

they're the most dangerous calls that you have because they all feel like work they all feel like business and almost none of them result…

Chris Williamson · 20:30

it's kind of like the highlighter goals who like girls who have like the perfect highlighters and gel pens for their exam but they get…

Chris Williamson · 21:30
#productivity#alex-hormozi#placeholder-work
Story36:30

Lewis Capaldi's 'How I'm Feeling Now': When Success Pressure Becomes a Physical Tic

Chris recounts the Netflix documentary about singer Lewis Capaldi, whose success and self-imposed pressure triggered a Tourette's-like tic that has repeatedly stopped him mid-performance, including at Glastonbury — illustrating how mental health strain can physically disable the very thing someone loves doing.

  • Capaldi developed a Tourette's-like tic linked to pressure and rumination, documented in 'How I'm Feeling Now.'
  • He's had to stop singing mid-song on stage at least twice, including at Glastonbury, needing the audience to finish the song.
  • He described relief at finally getting a diagnosis rather than resisting it — the opposite of TikTok users who identify with disorders they don't have.
  • Reports suggest he had trouble on stage again as recently as this year's festival season.

he's relieved when he gets a diagnosis in the documentary... that's called a panic attack... that's a person finding a diagnosis not identifying with a…

Chris Williamson · 39:00
#lewis-capaldi#mental-health#documentary#fame
Story47:00

'Boyfriends of Instagram': Turning Relationships Into Content Production

Freya and Chris discuss the trend of boyfriends contorting themselves to get the perfect photo of their girlfriends, including a story about a man drenched by waves trying to capture a swing photo in Bali — illustrating how relationships get commodified for social media output, down to 'soft launching' a partner online.

  • Articles now advise young women on how to 'soft launch' (partial reveal, e.g. just an arm) versus 'hard launch' a boyfriend on Instagram.
  • A commenter described modern relationships as 'two personal brands coming together' for a collaboration.
  • Chris recounts watching a boyfriend get soaked by waves in Bali trying to photograph his girlfriend on a swing for the perfect shot.
  • Ordinary (non-influencer) women increasingly think like influencers, treating every outing as a content opportunity.

a relationship is now just a brand collaboration like two personal brands coming together

Freya India · 47:30

that really better be wifey because that's a big ask

Chris Williamson · 49:00
#instagram#relationships#social-media#influencer-culture
Story74:30

From Zoella to Bonnie Blue: How Girls' Role Models Escalated Into Self-Commodification

Freya traces the evolution of girls' influencer role models from wholesome creators like Zoella to figures like Tana Mongeau and Bonnie Blue, who openly promote OnlyFans earnings to very young audiences and frame commodifying their bodies as empowerment.

  • Zoella-era influencers (Freya's own childhood role models) had none of today's monetization incentives or algorithmic competition.
  • Tana Mongeau now normalizes OnlyFans to an audience skewing very young, showcasing purchases funded by it on her podcast.
  • Freya rejects the 'empowering' framing, calling it turning yourself into a product ranked by strangers' judgment.
  • She cites roughly 70% of Gen Z girls aspiring to be influencers.

how can it be empowering to even on Instagram offer your body for judgment and then put your self-worth into the ranks and reviews that…

Freya India · 77:00
#influencer-culture#onlyfans#role-models#gen-z