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James Kimmel Jr.04 September 2025

Why Violence & Revenge Fantasies Feel Good - James Kimmel Jr. - #989

0Frameworks
16Insights

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster17:00

'Evil' Doesn't Exist — It's Just Revenge Addiction

Kimmel argues that labeling violent people as 'evil' is a scientific cop-out that explains nothing. What looks like evil is almost always an overwhelming compulsion to hurt others to relieve one's own psychological pain — the same addictive process as substance abuse, just aimed outward instead of inward.

  • 'Evil' can't be located anywhere in the physical or mental world — it's an unfalsifiable label
  • What we call evil is really a consumptive compulsion to harm others for gratification
  • With drugs you ingest the substance yourself; with revenge you must inflict pain on another body to get the high
  • Perpetrators of violence were, in Kimmel's research, almost always victims first

It's this overwhelming consumptive compulsion to harm other people to make ourselves feel better.

James Kimmel Jr. · 17:15

Perpetrators were always victims first.

James Kimmel Jr. · 43:15
#revenge#psychology#violence#myth

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take56:30

Lawyers Are in the 'Professional Revenge Business' — They Just Call It Justice

As a former litigator, Kimmel argues courtroom lawyers are society's only licensed dealers of revenge, selling it under the brand name 'justice' the same way pharmaceutical opioids are sold under brand names instead of being called heroin. He says this isn't taught in law school and would make practitioners better if it were.

  • Litigators are, in Kimmel's framing, in the 'professional revenge business,' branded as justice
  • Analogy to opioids: heroin becomes acceptable as OxyContin once repackaged and prescribed
  • Law school never teaches that lawyers are selling revenge gratification to clients hooked on it
  • Kimmel believes understanding this would make lawyers better practitioners for their clients

We're the only people in society that have this amazing license to prescribe, manufacture, and distribute revenge. But we do it under a different brand…

James Kimmel Jr. · 57:00
#legal-system#revenge#hot-take
Hot Take93:30

Why Revenge Might Be the World's Most Dangerous Addiction

Unlike drugs, gambling, or porn — substances and behaviors that exist outside the self — Kimmel argues revenge addiction is uniquely dangerous because the 'drug' is entirely internal, generated inside your own head, making it far harder to see or intervene on.

  • Every other addiction involves an external substance or behavior (drug, screen, casino); revenge's trigger may be external but the craving and 'high' are entirely internal
  • Kimmel calls it 'closer than the tip of your nose,' which is why it's gone unrecognized for centuries
  • It's uniquely lethal because gratification sometimes requires killing another person
  • Brain science is only now making this internal 'drug' visible via imaging

It's the world's most dangerous addiction and deadly... it's also extra dangerous because the drug is inside your head. It's closer than the tip of…

James Kimmel Jr. · 94:00
#addiction#revenge#hot-take#neuroscience

Explainer· 7

Explainer07:30

Why Humans Evolved to Crave Revenge

Kimmel explains the evolutionary psychology theory behind revenge: humans developed intense pleasure from retaliation as a way to enforce social norms and protect mates and resources during the Ice Age. That same wiring now fires for trivial modern insults, not just survival-level threats.

  • Leading evolutionary theory: humans evolved to feel pleasure from hurting those who hurt them
  • Developed as social communities formed, to enforce compliance with norms and protect mates/food/survival
  • Modern grievances (insults to ego/identity) are largely non-survival but trigger the same ancient circuitry
  • The brain treats psychological slights like extinction-level threats even in a comfortable modern world

Humans probably evolved to experience intense pleasure from hurting the people who hurt us, which is what we feel.

James Kimmel Jr. · 08:00
#evolutionary-psychology#revenge#brain-science
Explainer12:00

Revenge Lights Up the Same Brain Circuits as Drug Addiction

Kimmel details the neuroscience of revenge: psychological harm activates the brain's pain network (anterior insula), which then triggers the same pleasure/reward circuitry exploited by drugs, alcohol and gambling (nucleus accumbens, dorsal striatum). Left unchecked by the prefrontal cortex, this craving becomes indistinguishable from addiction.

  • Psychological harms (insults, humiliation, betrayal, shame) activate the anterior insula, the brain's pain network
  • The brain seeks relief via dopamine flooding in the nucleus accumbens and dorsal striatum — the addiction reward circuitry
  • This produces a brief high followed by craving for more, just like other addictions
  • Addiction is defined as inability to resist an urge despite known negative consequences — revenge fits this exactly
  • Brain scans show the prefrontal cortex (self-control) gets inhibited/hijacked during both drug and revenge cravings

It generates this instantaneous dopamine flooding of the circuitry which is this brief high... and then that high sort of disappears leaving you wanting more.

James Kimmel Jr. · 13:30
#neuroscience#addiction#revenge#brain-science
Explainer18:30

Revenge vs. Self-Defense: The Brain Draws a Hard Line

Kimmel distinguishes revenge (punishing a past wrong, controlled by pleasure/pain reward circuitry) from self-defense (responding to a present threat, controlled by the amygdala's fight-flight-freeze system). Leaving a toxic relationship is self-defense; continuing to plot how to hurt your ex afterward is revenge.

  • Revenge always looks backward — punishing a wrong already committed
  • Self-defense responds to a present or imminent threat and is governed by the amygdala, a different brain system entirely
  • Leaving a toxic relationship is self-defense, not revenge
  • Continuing to ruminate on getting back at someone after the threat has passed signals a shift toward pathological revenge-seeking

Revenge is punishing people for wrongs of the past. It is not self-defense.

James Kimmel Jr. · 18:30
#self-defense#revenge#boundaries#brain-science
Explainer33:30

How 'Justice' Became a Cover Story for Revenge After 9/11

Kimmel argues the word 'justice' hides two opposite meanings — fundamental fairness/equity versus punishment/retribution — and that leaders exploit the conflation to sanctify violence. He uses George W. Bush's post-9/11 pledge to bring terrorists to 'American justice' as a case study in dressing up a 20-year revenge war as righteous justice.

  • Justice can mean equity/fairness (Jesus, MLK, Gandhi) or punishment/retribution — the same word covers both
  • Bush's 'we will bring the terrorists to justice' framing masked what was really a call for revenge
  • Kimmel argues most of the post-9/11 war's killings were revenge gratification, not self-defense, except the targeting of Osama bin Laden himself, whom he calls a genuine ongoing threat
  • Calling something 'justice' rather than 'revenge' preserves moral high ground and public support for violence

Instead of just saying what was true, which is we are going to get revenge... we use justice to cover up and excuse a 20…

James Kimmel Jr. · 37:15

We call it a criminal justice system, not a criminal revenge system... because we don't want to say what we're really doing to criminals in…

James Kimmel Jr. · 41:30
#justice#9/11#war#revenge#politics
Explainer48:00

Just Imagining Forgiveness Rewires Your Brain in Seconds

Kimmel describes brain-imaging research showing that merely imagining a decision to forgive — without ever contacting the offender — deactivates the pain network, shuts down revenge-craving circuitry, and reactivates the prefrontal cortex. Forgiveness also carries measurable physical health benefits independent of religion.

  • Imagining forgiveness deactivates the anterior insula pain network
  • It also deactivates the revenge craving/reward circuitry, stopping rumination
  • It reactivates the prefrontal cortex, restoring decision-making and self-control
  • Studies link a decision to forgive with lower blood pressure, lower anxiety, reduced depression, reduced heart disease risk, and better sleep
  • These benefits are brain-biological, not dependent on religious belief

By deciding to forgive, you no longer feel the pain of the grievance which is motivating all of this from the beginning.

James Kimmel Jr. · 48:30
#forgiveness#neuroscience#mental-health
Explainer69:00

Men and Women Seek Revenge Equally — But Their Brains Diverge Mid-Punishment

Kimmel cites research showing men and women desire revenge at similar rates, but during the act of punishing someone, men's empathy-related brain regions go dull while women's stay active — which may explain why women tend to stop retaliation sooner than men.

  • Both sexes experience revenge desire at similar rates when victimized
  • During punishment/retaliation, men's theory-of-mind/empathy brain regions become less active
  • Women's empathy regions stay active during punishment, correlating with stopping the attack sooner
  • No comparable genetic or racial differences have been found in revenge-proneness; differences appear cultural/social instead
#gender-differences#neuroscience#revenge
Explainer71:30

Some Cultures Are Built Around Revenge — Like Stalin's Homeland

Kimmel notes that revenge-proneness varies by culture and upbringing more than genetics — pointing to Caucasus blood-feud traditions (where Stalin was raised), and research suggesting settlers of the American South developed a more vengeance-based approach to problem-solving than the North.

  • Societies in the Caucasus region still practice generational blood feuds
  • Stalin was raised in Tbilisi within this vengeance-culture tradition
  • Research suggests early American Southern settlers developed a more vengeful conflict-resolution culture than Northern settlers
  • Family upbringing can teach vengeance-based problem solving directly, though victims of it sometimes react by rejecting it entirely
#culture#revenge#history

Story· 3

Story00:00

The Night He Almost Killed His Bullies

James Kimmel Jr. recounts being bullied for years as a rural teen, culminating in his family's dog being shot dead and their mailbox blown up by the same tormentors. Armed with his father's loaded revolver, he chased the truck down, cornered the unarmed occupants, and came within seconds of pulling the trigger before a flash of insight stopped him.

  • Bullying escalated from shunning to verbal harassment to physical violence over years
  • His family's dog Paula was found shot dead the morning after a gunshot woke the house
  • Weeks later the same truck blew up the family mailbox; Kimmel grabbed his dad's loaded revolver and chased them down
  • He cornered the unarmed group at a barn with his gun drawn and the element of surprise
  • A momentary insight that he'd become 'a murderer' and could never undo it stopped him from firing

If I went any further, in all likelihood, I'd be committing a violent act that I would never be able to undo and that I'd…

James Kimmel Jr. · 06:00

I wasn't willing to pay that high of a price to get it.

James Kimmel Jr. · 06:30
#revenge#personal-story#violence#bullying
Story29:00

Kimmel Admits He Sometimes Crossed From Teaching Into Revenge With His Own Kids

Kimmel distinguishes disciplining a child to teach a life-saving lesson (e.g., never run into the street) from disguised revenge-seeking, then candidly admits there were times as a parent he pushed a punishment further than needed because it 'felt good' to do so.

  • Teaching involves inflicting some discomfort (taking away a phone, raising your voice) purely for the child's safety, not your own gratification
  • Kimmel admits he sometimes extended discipline moments longer than necessary because it felt good
  • The distinguishing test is whether the punishment is serving the lesson or serving your own emotional relief

There were times I can remember it going... I went further than I needed to to teach the lesson, and it was because I was…

James Kimmel Jr. · 31:15
#parenting#discipline#revenge#self-reflection
Story89:00

How Mass Forgiveness After WWII Secured 80 Years of Peace

Kimmel points to the Allies' decision to rebuild rather than continue punishing Germany and Japan after WWII as proof that population-scale forgiveness works — producing lasting peace where continued punishment would not have.

  • After WWII, the Allies chose to rebuild German and Japanese society rather than continuing to punish them
  • That decision produced roughly 80 years of sustained peace with former enemies
  • Kimmel argues military victory can stop immediate hostilities but cannot secure decades of peace on its own
  • Only mutual forgiveness between former combatants secures long-term peace, in his view

You can achieve a military victory that can stop immediate hostilities but it can't secure the peace for decades... that only happens by choosing to…

James Kimmel Jr. · 90:15
#forgiveness#history#wwii#peace

Tool· 1

Tool52:30

The Miracle Court: A Free App That Lets You 'Try' Anyone Who Wronged You — In Your Own Head

Kimmel created a free web app (Miracle Court, developed with research at Yale) that walks users through a virtual trial of anyone who wronged them, playing every role themselves — victim, defendant, judge, jury, and warden — to process grievances and open the door to forgiveness.

  • Free web app at miraclecourt.com, no download or in-app purchases, runs in browser
  • User plays victim (testifies), defendant (imagines the other side), judge/jury (renders a verdict), and warden (carries out the sentence)
  • Carrying out the imagined punishment as 'warden' makes users feel the pain they're inflicting, similar to a hammer feeling the impact of its own blow
  • Final step asks whether the imagined revenge actually healed them — Kimmel says people invariably say no, and that opens space to consider forgiveness instead
  • Used even with victims of serious sexual violence and family murder with reported benefit

When you become the instrument of someone else's pain, you have to experience unfortunately the pain that you're inflicting.

James Kimmel Jr. · 55:00
#tool#forgiveness#app#yale-research

Takeaway· 2

Takeaway20:00

95% of People Want Revenge, Only 20% Act On It

Studies show nearly everyone experiences revenge desires, but only about 20% actually act on them — the same proportion of people who try drugs/alcohol and go on to become addicted. This reframes revenge-seeking as an addiction spectrum rather than a universal moral failing.

  • 95% of people report experiencing revenge desires when surveyed
  • Only about 20% of people actually act on those desires
  • 20% closely mirrors the rate of people who become addicted after trying drugs or alcohol
  • Revenge-seeking exists on a spectrum from quiet/verbal (social exclusion, sabotage) up to serious violence, mirroring the drug-addiction escalation curve

95% of all people experience revenge desires but... it drops to closer to 20% [who act], which is an interesting coincidence because that's about the…

James Kimmel Jr. · 20:15
#statistics#revenge#addiction
Takeaway75:00

Warning Signs You Might Have a Revenge Problem

Kimmel outlines how to self-assess whether grievance-collecting has become compulsive: noticing if you perceive victimization everywhere others don't, and — most critically — whether you can stop yourself from acting on a grievance once you know there'll be a negative consequence.

  • Being an easily-aggrieved 'grievance collector' who perceives victimization others don't notice is an early warning sign
  • The key test is control: can you recognize a negative consequence and still choose to let it go?
  • A free 10-question quiz is available at jameskimmeljr.com to gauge revenge-addiction risk
  • If self-help (forgiveness practices, mindfulness, the Miracle Court app) isn't enough, therapy options include CBT, motivational interviewing, and potentially anti-craving medications like GLP-1 drugs (untested for this use)
#self-help#addiction#revenge#mental-health