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Dr Russell Kennedy10 December 2022

Why You Feel So Anxious All The Time - Dr Russell Kennedy - #563

4Frameworks
17Insights

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Frameworks in this episode

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster10:30

All Anxiety Is Separation Anxiety, Mostly From Yourself

Building on developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld's work, Kennedy argues all anxiety is fundamentally separation anxiety, and most of that separation is from your own self. Because children can't blame their parents for mistreatment, they turn the blame inward, splitting from themselves in a pattern that becomes their lifelong way of relating to the world.

  • Gordon Neufeld, co-author with Gabor Mate of 'Hold On to Your Kids': all anxiety is separation anxiety
  • Kennedy's addition: it's mostly separation from yourself
  • Abused or neglected children don't stop loving the parent, they stop loving themselves
  • This self-judgment and self-blame pattern (which Kennedy calls 'jabs') becomes the template for how you interact with life
  • While separated from yourself, anxiety thrives

If you abuse, abandon, or neglect a child, the child doesn't stop loving the parent, they stop loving themselves.

Dr Russell Kennedy · 12:00

all anxiety truly is separation anxiety. And it's mostly separation from yourself.

Dr Russell Kennedy · 12:00
#anxiety#self-worth#childhood#myth

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take15:00

"What Has Evidence-Based Medicine Really Done for Emotional Healing?"

A medical doctor and neuroscientist admits that despite advances in neuroscience, the field hasn't translated into much practical clinical help. Kennedy argues real healing comes from the therapist-client connection and body-based work, not from science alone, a view he admits makes him uncomfortable given his traditional medical training.

  • Cites neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux's book 'Anxious': neuroscience advances haven't moved into the clinical realm much
  • Kennedy's own CBT and evidence-based work 'didn't do much' for his healing
  • Real healing, in his experience, comes from interpersonal connection with a therapist and with yourself
  • He acknowledges this is uncomfortable to say as a medical doctor on a big podcast

what has science really done from it? It's shown us the pathways... but it hasn't really translated into actual practical work to help people heal.

Dr Russell Kennedy · 16:00

it's very uncomfortable for me to go on a big podcast like yours and say that anxiety is held in the body more than the…

Dr Russell Kennedy · 17:30
#therapy#evidence-based-medicine#healing#hot-take
Hot Take48:30

Psychedelics Can Be Contraindicated for Anxiety

Kennedy pushes back on the idea that psychedelics are necessary for healing anxiety, arguing they can actually be contraindicated because anxiety is fundamentally about maintaining control, and substances like psilocybin, ayahuasca, and LSD strip that control away entirely, as his own two-year recovery from ayahuasca use demonstrated.

  • Anxiety is about trying to maintain control of your environment
  • Psychedelics forcibly remove that control, which can backfire for anxious people
  • Kennedy's own anxiety got worse after ayahuasca and took about two years to stabilize
  • His answer to 'do you need psychedelics to heal' is a clear no

anxiety is about trying to maintain control of your environment, right? And then as soon as you take psilocybin, ayahuasca, LSD... you're blown apart

Dr Russell Kennedy · 48:30
#psychedelics#anxiety#hot-take#healing

Explainer· 7

Explainer02:30

How Childhood Trauma Rewires the Brain's Stress Response

Kennedy explains that childhood trauma stunts development of the prefrontal cortex (executive function, emotional regulation) while over-sensitizing subcortical structures like the amygdala and basal ganglia. This imbalance leaves traumatized people unable to regulate stress as adults and more prone to falling into automatic, addictive patterns.

  • Prefrontal cortex pyramidal cells don't grow or metabolize well under chronic childhood trauma
  • Subcortical areas (amygdala, basal ganglia) become hypersensitized to norepinephrine and dopamine
  • These subcortical areas are the 'automatic' parts of the brain prone to addiction
  • Result: traumatized children lack the neurological ability to regulate stress as adults

we don't have the neurological ability to really regulate stress when we were traumatized children

Dr Russell Kennedy · 04:00
#anxiety#neuroscience#childhood-trauma#brain
Explainer04:00

Why Childhood Trauma Makes You More Prone to Addiction

Kennedy connects childhood trauma to adult addictive behavior, including compulsive phone and tech use. Repressed trauma gets pushed into subcortical, body-based structures, and rather than sit with uncomfortable feelings, people escape upward into rumination or use dopamine-driven distractions to numb the alarm.

  • Trauma gets 'stuffed down' into subcortical structures involved in movement and body sensation
  • Anxious people escape into rumination instead of feeling their body
  • This revs up addictive circuits, making apps, technology, and substances easier to compulsively use
  • People with anxiety compulsively hate uncertainty and will do almost anything, including worry, to avoid it

people with anxiety compulsively hate uncertainty, and they will do anything to avoid uncertainty, and that includes worry

Dr Russell Kennedy · 05:30
#addiction#anxiety#trauma#phone-use
Explainer06:00

Where Anxiety Physically Lives in Your Body

Kennedy describes the insular cortex as the mediator between mind and body, arguing that childhood trauma gets recorded there as bodily sensation. He's found consistent patterns across patients, where trauma tends to show up in specific body locations depending on the type of childhood wound.

  • Insular cortex translates thoughts into bodily sensations and vice versa
  • Kennedy stores his own trauma in his solar plexus
  • People who had to grow up too fast often feel it across their shoulders
  • Women raised by narcissistic or overly demanding mothers often feel it in their throat
  • He calls this stored sensation the 'alarm' rather than anxiety

that alarm pattern is your younger self asking for your attention

Dr Russell Kennedy · 09:00
#anxiety#somatic#body#insular-cortex
Explainer23:00

The Alarm-Anxiety Cycle: Why Worry Never Actually Helps

Kennedy lays out his core model: a bodily 'alarm' state left over from childhood trauma gets picked up by the brain through interoception, and the mind manufactures worry to make sense of it. The worry then intensifies the alarm, creating a self-reinforcing loop that also floods the system with cortisol and norepinephrine, shutting down the prefrontal cortex.

  • Interoception constantly reads internal bodily states, including old stored alarm
  • The mind is a 'compulsive meaning-making machine' that invents worries to explain alarm
  • People blame the worries for the pain, but the worries are a byproduct; the alarm is the real pain
  • Thinking the worries makes the alarm worse, creating a runaway loop
  • Stress hormones (cortisol, epinephrine) paralyze the prefrontal cortex, pushing people into emotional, subcortical reactions

you blame the worries for the pain, but it wasn't the worries. The worries are the byproduct of the pain.

Dr Russell Kennedy · 23:30
#anxiety#alarm-cycle#worry#neuroscience
Explainer21:30

Mirror Work: Talking to a Photo of Your Younger Self

Kennedy describes a therapy technique where patients place a childhood photo, for example from around when their parents divorced, behind a mirror, talk to that picture, then look at themselves as an adult and talk back, showing the 'stuck' child that they are no longer in that situation, since the amygdala has no sense of time.

  • Patients tape a childhood photo to a mirror and talk to it
  • Then they look at their present adult self in the mirror and respond
  • Goal: show the child-part, frozen in time in the amygdala, that they're safe now
  • Kennedy calls it one of the most effective modalities he uses, despite sounding 'woo'

that child, because the amygdala has no sense of time, is still stuck there. So when you show that child that they're not stuck there,…

Dr Russell Kennedy · 22:00
#therapy-technique#mirror-work#inner-child#somatic
Explainer43:00

Why Crying Actually Rewires the Brain (and Why Men Suppress It)

Citing developmental psychologist Gordon Neufeld, Kennedy explains that tears are adaptive, helping the brain resolve unchangeable losses via brain-derived growth factor, but men are conditioned to suppress crying, which shuts off their ability to process big emotions and pushes that energy into alcohol, porn, or violence instead.

  • Tears help resolve irresolvable situations, like divorce or death, through brain-derived growth factor
  • Women cry and it changes the brain, helping resolve grief
  • Men are conditioned to shut off crying, which shuts off the ability to manage big emotions
  • Suppressed emotional energy in men often redirects into alcohol abuse, porn, or violence

Tears are adaptive. Tears help the brain resolve issues that you can't resolve.

Dr Russell Kennedy · 43:30
#crying#men#emotional-regulation#neuroscience
Explainer51:30

Somatic Experiencing and Internal Family Systems, Explained

Kennedy breaks down the two modalities he credits most for his healing: somatic experiencing, Dr Peter Levine's method of locating and processing trauma stored in the body, and internal family systems or 'parts work,' which identifies and dialogues with distinct wounded parts, like a bullied part and the part that protects it.

  • Somatic experiencing (Dr Peter Levine): locate trauma in a specific body location and work with it directly rather than just talking
  • Internal Family Systems / parts work: identify discrete 'parts,' e.g. a bullied part and a protector part, and work with each
  • Kennedy's own example: a 'bullied part' from grade three, protected by a hypervigilant, controlling part
  • He argues talking-only therapy is like 'talking to someone through a door'; body-based work gets past that barrier

talking to it, it's kind of like talking to someone through a door. They can generally get your tone of voice... but you're not making…

Dr Russell Kennedy · 54:00
#somatic-experiencing#internal-family-systems#therapy#parts-work

Story· 3

Story07:00

The 2013 LSD Trip That Revealed His Anxiety Was 'Alarm'

In 2013, after rupturing his Achilles and enduring daily 10-hour panic attacks to the point of feeling suicidal, Kennedy took LSD with a friend. During the trip he received the realization that what he'd called 'anxiety' was actually a stored state of alarm from childhood trauma with his schizophrenic father, which became the foundation of his entire healing approach and book.

  • He was suicidal, living with daily 10-12 hour panic attacks in 2013
  • A friend took him on an LSD trip after he ruptured his Achilles tendon
  • The insight: his anxiety was a body-stored 'alarm' from childhood, not a mental disorder
  • Recovery from the resulting psychedelic period took about two years (2013-2015), during which he dropped from 180 lbs to 153 lbs

my anxiety, what I called my anxiety, was actually a state of alarm that was held in my body from this old trauma of growing…

Dr Russell Kennedy · 07:00

I ruptured my left Achilles tendon and I was suicidal cuz I was in a 12-hour panic attack every day

Dr Russell Kennedy · 48:00
#psychedelics#personal-story#anxiety#healing
Story25:00

Chris's Blood-Sugar Crash and the Sudden Return of His Inner Critic

Chris shares a recent experience mid-event where his blood sugar dropped and a harsh, familiar inner voice suddenly surfaced, telling him he was a fraud and everyone would find him out, despite years of self-work that had quieted that voice. Kennedy explains this as a stress-induced retreat into old subcortical, familiar patterns rather than a relapse.

  • Chris's blood sugar crashed mid-task and a toxic inner monologue emerged unprompted ('you're a fraud', 'nobody likes you')
  • He managed to keep performing despite it, unnoticed by others in the room
  • He'd believed that critical voice was mostly resolved after years of work
  • Kennedy: under pressure and stress the brain retreats to what's familiar, not necessarily comfortable

You were never supposed to be here... You're going to be found out. You've always been a fraud.

Chris Williamson · 25:30

there is a retreat back into not something that necessarily feels comfortable, but something that feels familiar

Chris Williamson · 27:00
#inner-critic#stress#personal-story#imposter-syndrome
Story58:00

Chris's Psilocybin Vision of Compassion for His Bullied Childhood Self

Chris recounts a recent mild psilocybin trip where he vividly pictured himself as a lonely, bullied child and, for the first time, felt genuine sympathy and pride for that version of himself rather than shame, a shift from years of rationally understanding but not emotionally feeling that compassion.

  • Chris was an only child, bullied and socially isolated growing up
  • On psilocybin he visualized his childhood self and felt, not just understood, sympathy for him
  • Previously felt shame or embarrassment, partly from comparing his struggles to others' 'worse' trauma
  • He connects this to a male coping pattern of minimizing your own suffering relative to others'

I felt proud of the fact that he'd been able to go through the things that he'd gone through... he deserved sympathy.

Chris Williamson · 58:30
#psilocybin#inner-child#personal-story#self-compassion

Q&A· 1

Q&A34:30

How Anxiety Shows Up Differently in Men vs Women

Asked whether anxiety manifests differently by sex, Kennedy explains women tend to have a richer emotional vocabulary and can identify what they're feeling, while men's anxiety often surfaces as anger, antagonism, and annoyance because they lack the language and have been socially policed against showing vulnerability.

  • Women have more emotional language and intelligence to identify and process feelings
  • Men's anxiety often converts into anger, antagonism, annoyance ('manxiety', 'mantagonism')
  • Men are 'policed' by other men from childhood not to show emotion or cry
  • Men distinguish, and struggle with, victimhood vs vulnerability; vulnerability is more accepted by other men than perceived victimhood
  • Referenced fMRI study: emotional words lit up around 14 brain regions in women vs around 4 in men

I have the man manoyance, mantagonism, manger, mangxiety

Dr Russell Kennedy · 35:00
#men#emotions#anxiety#gender-differences

Tool· 2

Tool46:00

Kennedy's 3x Modified Physiological Sigh for Panic and Blood Pressure

Kennedy shares his adaptation of Huberman's physiological sigh: three deep sniffs in, hold 3-5 seconds, then a long hissing exhale through the teeth, repeated three times. He uses it clinically to bring down white-coat-syndrome blood pressure spikes by as much as 50-60 points.

  • Three big sniffs in through the nose, hold at the top 3-5 seconds, exhale hissing through clenched teeth
  • Repeat three times, versus the standard single physiological sigh
  • Loads CO2 by holding breath before the long exhale
  • Used clinically to drop white-coat blood pressure spikes by 50-60 points
  • Anxious breathing naturally goes shallow, signaling danger to the brainstem; this technique reverses that

I walk up to them, I take their blood pressure, it's sky high... I do a few rounds of this and their blood pressure comes…

Dr Russell Kennedy · 47:00
#breathwork#panic-attacks#tool#physiological-sigh
Tool66:30

Find Russell Kennedy: The Anxiety MD and 'Anxiety Rx'

Kennedy points listeners to his website and Instagram, 'The Anxiety MD,' and his book 'Anxiety Rx,' noting the book had a slow start of 10,000 copies in two years before recently surging to 15,000 copies sold in eight weeks.

  • Website and Instagram: 'The Anxiety MD'
  • Book: 'Anxiety Rx,' available on Amazon
  • Sales trajectory: 10,000 copies over two years, then 15,000 in the last eight weeks

this book took two years to sell 10,000 copies and in the last eight weeks it sold 15,000 copies

Dr Russell Kennedy · 67:00
#book#resources#tool

Takeaway· 1

Takeaway65:00

"Bring It On": Taking Control Back From a Panic Attack

Kennedy teaches patients to consciously invite an oncoming panic attack rather than resist it, because this shifts the locus of control from the panic attack to the person, which paradoxically reduces its intensity.

  • Resisting or fighting a building panic attack makes it worse and builds momentum
  • Deliberately inviting it in shifts the sense of control back to the person
  • The periaqueductal gray secretes endogenous opioids and dopamine that help metabolize fear when you lean into it
  • Retreating into victim mentality instead floods the system with epinephrine and cortisol, reinforcing the cycle

bring it on. Just make it the best freaking panic attack you've ever had.

Dr Russell Kennedy · 65:00
#panic-attacks#takeaway#coping-technique