ACT Psychological Flexibility
Act on your higher values no matter what you feel in the moment
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 70%
Kaufman champions Stephen Hayes' Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a method for the moments when feelings and goals conflict. The mechanism: when an emotion arises, treat it as a signpost rather than a fact, resist the reflex to label it, and create distance between the feeling and your response. Then check in — not with 'what am I feeling right now?' but with 'what are my higher values?' You act in line with those values whether or not the feeling cooperates. His running example is the fridge: starving, with something sweet and fatty inside, you do not consult the hunger, you consult the value ('I want to not be the kind of person who grabs the unhealthiest thing'), and let the urge subside while staying with it. There is no rigid protocol; it is a repeatable stance trained over time.
Origin
The ACT approach was founded by psychologist Stephen Hayes; Kaufman applies it in the emotions chapter of Rise Above as an antidote to being a victim of your own feelings.
Core principles
- 01Emotions are signposts, not facts — feeling something is not a command to act on it
- 02You do not have to feel like doing the valued thing to do it
- 03We have deeper reservoirs of resiliency than we test, because we avoid too fast
- 04Labeling a feeling too quickly locks you into acting on it
- 05The long-term value matters more than the short-term feeling
How to run it
- 1
Treat the emotion as a signpost
When a feeling arises, register it as information about your experience, not as a fact about reality or an order to obey.
Pro tip Ask what the feeling is pointing at, not what it demands.
Watch out Taking emotions as facts and acting immediately is how you become a victim to them.
- 2
Resist the quick label
Do not rush to name the feeling ('this is anxiety', 'this is my trauma'). Premature labeling hardens the emotion and dictates your next move.
Pro tip Stay with the raw experience a beat longer than is comfortable.
- 3
Create distance
Put space between what you feel and how you act. This defusion is what lets a value, rather than an urge, drive the decision.
- 4
Check in with your higher values
Instead of consulting the feeling, consult what you actually want long-term. Name the value the moment is testing.
Pro tip Phrase it as identity: 'I don't want to be the kind of person who...'
- 5
Act in line with the value
Take the valued action even if you don't feel like it. Go to the gym though you don't feel it; leave the fridge closed though you're hungry. Let the urge subside as you move.
Pro tip You will find your resiliency is deeper than you assumed once you stop avoiding.
Watch out Avoiding the uncomfortable feeling at all costs trains helplessness, not safety.
In the wild
Kaufman's worked example: you are starving and you know there is something sweet and fatty in the fridge. The reactive path checks in with the feeling ('I'm hungry, I want it now') and opens the door. The ACT path checks in with the higher value instead — 'I want to lose weight; I don't want to be the person who grabs the unhealthiest thing every time I'm hungry' — and then lets the desire and the quick feelings subside while staying with them, without labeling. The value, not the hunger, decides.
→ The choice is governed by long-term values rather than a momentary craving.
Common mistakes
Consulting the feeling instead of the value
Asking 'what am I feeling right now?' hands the decision to the urge. The ACT move is to ask 'what are my higher values?' instead.
Avoiding every uncomfortable feeling
Reflexively avoiding fear or discomfort never lets you test your resiliency muscles, so you stay convinced you cannot cope.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone whose fear, anxiety, or in-the-moment urges routinely override the goals they say they care about.
Not ideal for
Situations of genuine danger where the fear signal is accurate and should be acted on.
From the transcript
“We can become a victim to our emotions when we take our emotions as facts. We don't just treat them as signposts”
“You check in with, well, what are my higher values? That's what you check in with your higher values.”
“allows you to act in line with your values no matter how you're feeling about about the situation in the moment.”
From the episode
How To Not Let Your Past Define You - Scott Barry Kaufman - #947
Scott Barry Kaufman