Acting Opposite to Urges
Train the muscle that overrides the pull toward safety and comfort
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 72%
Drawn from skills taught in certain therapies, this method treats the ability to act against an urge as a trainable capacity rather than a willpower trait. You learn to recognise the urge toward safety and comfort and then deliberately act opposite to it. Because doing this cold, in a genuinely frightening moment, is hard, you build the muscle first in trivial settings, for example putting a mint in your mouth and resisting the urge to crunch it, or pushing slightly past the point in exercise where your body wants to stop. Each rehearsal makes the override familiar, so that when a high-stakes moment arrives, taking the harder, forward-moving action is not the first time you've done it. The key insight is that anxiety points you toward retreat precisely when leaning in is what helps.
Origin
Dr. Julie Smith draws this from evidence-based therapies (opposite action) she used across a decade of NHS and private practice.
Core principles
- 01Urges toward safety and comfort can be recognised and overridden
- 02The capacity to override is a trainable mental muscle
- 03Practise in low-stakes situations so it's ready when it matters
- 04Anxiety pushes you toward the exact action that would help
- 05You don't need to feel like doing it to do it
How to run it
- 1
Recognise the urge
Catch the pull toward safety, comfort, or avoidance in the moment, before you act on it automatically.
- 2
Act opposite to it
Deliberately do the reverse of what the urge is demanding, especially when it's steering you away from a forward-moving action.
Pro tip Action is the antidote to anxiety; the very thing anxiety forbids is usually the thing that helps.
- 3
Rehearse in lighthearted ways
Practise the override in low-stakes situations, like resisting the urge to crunch a mint or pushing past a mild point of discomfort in exercise.
Pro tip Keep the reps small and frequent so the skill is well-grooved.
- 4
Deploy it when it matters most
Because you've practised, recognising and overriding the urge in a genuinely hard moment doesn't feel foreign; you already know the process.
Watch out Don't wait for a crisis to attempt it for the first time.
In the wild
To build the override muscle, you put a mint in your mouth and resist the urge to bite it, holding it until it dissolves. It feels almost silly, but you are practising the exact mental move, recognising a comfort-seeking urge and choosing not to obey it, that you will need when anxiety later tells you to stay in bed instead of taking charge of a frightening situation.
→ A trivial daily rep that makes the harder overrides feel familiar rather than novel.
Common mistakes
Only trying it under pressure
Attempting to override an urge for the first time in a high-stakes, terrifying moment sets you up to fail; the skill needs low-stakes reps first.
Waiting to feel motivated
Expecting the urge to soften before you act keeps you stuck, because the feeling often only shifts after the opposite action is taken.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone whose anxiety or low mood reliably steers them away from the action that would move them forward.
Not ideal for
Situations where the urge is protective and the safe action is genuinely the correct one.
From the transcript
“recognise the urge to go for safety and comfort and act opposite to it”
“you might put a polo in your mouth and resist the urge to crunch it... you're practicing that mental muscle”
From the episode
The Science Of Emotional Intelligence & Self-Understanding - Dr Julie Smith - #910
Dr Julie Smith