Counting the Times You Have Left
Calculate the finite number of a cherished activity remaining to make it urgent
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 88%
Choose an ordinary, recurring activity that recently brought you genuine joy, often something mundane like watching sports with a friend or a weekly coffee with your child. First count how many times you've already done it in your life. Then estimate how many times you realistically have left, honestly accounting for how life circumstances and the other person's availability will change. Finally, calculate the remaining times as a percentage of the total. The number is usually shocking, often less than half, sometimes single digits. That concrete scarcity draws your attention and raises the activity's urgency, which drives two behaviors: you prioritize the time on your calendar, and when you're in it you savor it, removing distractions like your phone and quieting your running to-do list.
Origin
An exercise Dr Cassie Holmes teaches in her happiness course and shares in Happier Hour, illustrated with her own calculation of ~230 coffee dates left with her seven-year-old daughter (35% of the total) and a student's 8% of couch-sports sessions left with his best friend.
Core principles
- 01We treat everyday joys as if they'll recur forever, and they won't
- 02Recognizing scarcity draws attention and increases urgency
- 03Important-but-not-urgent time loses to trivial-but-urgent time by default
- 04Counting converts an abstract truth into a concrete, motivating number
- 05Scarcity makes you prioritize AND savor the same activity
How to run it
- 1
Pick a cherished recurring activity
Reflect on the last couple of weeks and choose an activity that brought you real joy, often an ordinary, mundane moment.
- 2
Count the times so far
Add up roughly how many times you've done this activity across your whole life to date.
- 3
Estimate the times remaining
Project how many times you realistically have left, factoring in that your circumstances and the other person's life and availability will change.
Pro tip Be honest about life transitions: kids grow up, friends move, availability shrinks.
- 4
Calculate the percentage left
Express the remaining times as a share of the lifetime total to see how little is actually left.
- 5
Prioritize and savor
Use the urgency to protect the time on your calendar, and when you're in it, remove distractions and quiet the to-do list to fully soak it up.
Pro tip Holmes schedules meetings around her coffee dates and puts her phone away during them.
In the wild
Holmes turned a functional caffeine stop with her toddler into a weekly ritual. Counting maternity-leave trips plus weekly dates, she'd had about 400 coffee dates together. Projecting that her daughter, now seven, will want friends over her at about twelve and later move away for college, she estimated roughly 230 dates left, just 35% of the total, and she's only seven. The number moved her to schedule work around the time and put her phone away during it.
→ A routine errand became a fiercely protected, distraction-free weekly ritual.
A student calculated the times he'd watched sports on the couch with his best friend, from after-school days through college breaks to adult visits now shortened by different cities, partners, and his friend's two-year-old. He realized he had only 8% of those sessions left. During the class break he called his buddies to plan a guys' weekend.
→ The stark percentage triggered immediate action to reclaim the time.
Common mistakes
Assuming the activity will just continue
Treating everyday moments as inevitable removes the urgency; the whole point is to confront that time is finite and availability changes.
Counting but not changing behavior
The calculation only pays off if it re-ranks your priorities and makes you protect and savor the time.
Is it for you?
Best for
Relationships and rituals you assume will always be there but are quietly running out.
Not ideal for
People prone to anxiety who may find explicit mortality math distressing rather than clarifying.
From the transcript
“count how many times have you done this activity in your life so far. Then count how many times do you have in your life…”
“I calculated we probably have about 230 coffee dates together left. That is 35% of our coffee dates left... she's only seven”
From the episode
How To Manage Your Time For A Happier Life - Dr Cassie Holmes - #547
Dr Cassie Holmes