Curate Your Tech Use
Keep the good of technology and engineer out the bad
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 78%
Alter is pragmatic rather than a doomsayer: technology succeeded because it offers real value, so the aim is curation, not rejection. Start with an audit, asking which uses bring utility, joy, or awe and which leave you feeling empty afterward, then deliberately do more of the good. Next, learn which of the addiction hooks personally exploit you, so you can spot high-risk products in advance. Then replace vague, wishy-washy intentions with firm bright-line rules, because, like dieting, 'I won't have any' is far more sustainable than 'I'll have less.' Finally, short-circuit the hooks with concrete system changes such as turning off notifications, greyscaling the screen, charging the phone outside the bedroom, and setting hard start and end times. Treat the whole thing as an experiment and keep iterating.
Origin
Alter distilled these tactics from his research on addictive technology and from managing his own use as a self-described thoughtful tech user and parent of two young children.
Core principles
- 01The goal is not to reject tech but to extract the good without the bad
- 02Firm binary rules beat flexible good-intentions
- 03Systems and habits beat willpower against engineered products
- 04You must first know which tech brings you joy and which drains you
- 05Treat your setup as an ongoing experiment, not a one-time fix
How to run it
- 1
Audit the good versus the bad
Ask what about your tech use brings benefit, utility, joy, or a sense of awe, and what leaves you feeling drained. Notice how you feel after a session, not just during it.
Pro tip Google Maps, calendars, and reminders are pure utility; social media and games are where you often feel worse afterward.
- 2
Do more of the utility, less of the drain
Deliberately expand the tech that saves you time and enriches life, and cut back the uses that consistently leave you empty.
Pro tip You will never get addicted to your calendar; lean into that kind of tech.
- 3
Identify which hooks get you
Know your own vulnerabilities so that when a product carries those hooks, you can predict it will be hard to resist and act accordingly.
Pro tip If you know a product will beat you, avoid it entirely rather than testing your resolve.
- 4
Set firm bright-line rules
Replace flexible 'I'll try to use it less' intentions with hard, non-negotiable rules like 'dinner is completely phone-free.' Binary rules are far easier to keep than moderation.
Pro tip A small, deliberate exception (like answering a rare overnight family call) can make the rule sustainable rather than breaking it.
Watch out Wishy-washy rules almost never work, the same way 'less chocolate' fails where 'no chocolate' succeeds.
- 5
Short-circuit the hooks
Make concrete environmental changes: turn off notifications, set the phone to grayscale, charge it outside the bedroom, keep it in the car boot while driving, and set start and end times.
Pro tip Charging the phone in another room removes the temptation to use it last thing at night and first thing in the morning.
- 6
Experiment and iterate
Treat your rules and tools as an ongoing experiment. Try tactics, keep what works for you, and adjust as your life and the technology change.
Pro tip Just be an experimentalist; there is no single perfect setup that works for everyone.
In the wild
Alter notes the people who succeed set hardline rules like 'dinner time is completely phone-free, no matter the context, no phone and no TV.' In his own family, he and his wife do not use screens around their two young kids, and the dinner rule is one they keep. The firmness is exactly what makes it stick, because a rule with no wiggle room removes the daily negotiation.
→ A single non-negotiable rule reliably protects the most important shared time from device intrusion.
Alter keeps his phone out of the bedroom, but with family 10,000 miles away in Australia, roughly once a year an urgent call comes in the middle of the night. Rather than abandon the rule, he flexes it: six months phone-free, then three months with the phone in the room after such a call, then back again. The deliberate exception keeps the overall habit alive instead of collapsing it.
→ A planned exception preserves an otherwise firm rule that a rigid all-or-nothing stance would have broken.
Chris Williamson describes splitting his life across two phones: one holds social media but is Wi-Fi only, the other holds messaging over GPRS so he can use it out and about. He keeps no phone in the bedroom, uses it neither after 8pm nor before midday, and calls it intermittent fasting with his device, a deliberately elaborate mousetrap of rules that leaves him feeling comforted rather than deprived.
→ An engineered constraint system makes disciplined use feel automatic instead of relying on in-the-moment willpower.
Common mistakes
Setting wishy-washy 'I'll try' rules
Vague intentions to use tech a bit less are nearly impossible to follow, just like trying to eat a bit less chocolate; firm binary rules work far better.
Going full Luddite
Rejecting technology wholesale throws away genuine utility and joy; the goal is to curate the good out, not turn your back on all of it.
Expecting perfect adherence
In theory the rules are easy, but in practice life is messier; refusing any exception often causes the whole system to collapse.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone who wants to stay fully engaged with technology without letting it wreck focus, sleep, or relationships.
Not ideal for
People seeking a total-abstinence digital detox or expecting perfect adherence with no exceptions.
From the transcript
“There are ways to curate your life so you get the best from these forms of tech without having to just accept the bad stuff…”
“if you say I'm not going to have chocolate, that's often doable... having those really firm, hard and fast rules works well”
“do an audit. Ask yourself what about my tech use brings me benefit, utility, joy... do more of that”
From the episode
The Psychology Of Phone & Tech Addiction - Adam Alter - #293
Adam Alter