The Enjoyment Formula: Pleasure + People + Memory
Turn addictive solo pleasure into real enjoyment by adding people and memory
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 90%
Brooks distinguishes pleasure from enjoyment at the neurological level. Pleasure is a limbic-system signal that mimics survival or mating rewards, which is why gambling, pornography, alcohol and drugs are so addictive and so hollow when pursued alone. Enjoyment is a prefrontal-cortex experience built by adding two ingredients to a pleasurable source: people and memory. People bring interaction, eye contact and touch, which release oxytocin, the neuropeptide of connection; a crowd is not enough, because parallel presence without interaction produces no bonding. Memory is deepened by novelty, doing something outside your ordinary routine so the experience is easier to recall and recreate. The tell-tale sign of true enjoyment is that the good feeling continues after the action stops.
Origin
Extracted from Arthur Brooks' happiness teaching, where he contrasts limbic pleasure with prefrontal enjoyment and prescribes pleasure-plus-people-plus-memory as the practical formula.
Core principles
- 01Pleasure is a limbic signal; enjoyment is a prefrontal experience.
- 02Solo, repeated pleasure trends toward addiction.
- 03Adding people converts pleasure into connection via oxytocin.
- 04Novel, out-of-routine experiences lay down richer memories.
- 05Enjoyment persists after the action ends; pleasure does not.
How to run it
- 1
Start with a genuine pleasure
Pick something you actually find pleasurable, from a drink to a game to a meal. You do not have to give up pleasure.
Watch out If you do the pleasurable thing alone and often, you're probably drifting toward addiction.
- 2
Add real people
Do it with others in genuine interaction, not merely alongside a crowd. A stadium of strangers or parallel play produces no connection.
Watch out You can feel unbelievably lonely in a crowd; presence without interaction doesn't count.
- 3
Trigger oxytocin
Add eye contact and, where appropriate, human touch such as a hug or high-five, which stimulate the oxytocin that solitary or screen-mediated contact never delivers.
Pro tip In-person beats video call precisely because of the extra eye contact and oxytocin.
- 4
Add novelty for memory
Do it somewhere or somehow outside your normal routine. Dis-equilibrating the experience makes the memory richer and easier to recreate.
Pro tip Leave the house with friends or partner instead of repeating the same domestic routine.
In the wild
Williamson describes playing bluffing card games like Werewolves with friends and world-class poker players. There is intense tension for a long time, some players secretly working together and others against each other, and then the moment the game ends everyone stands up, high-fives and laughs. The shared eye contact, physical touch and the novelty of the tension convert what could be a solitary competitive pleasure into genuine enjoyment, with the memory and the bond outlasting the round itself.
→ A social ritual that reliably produces oxytocin-rich enjoyment and lasting memories rather than hollow winning.
Common mistakes
Pursuing pleasure alone
Eating a whole cake, drinking, gambling or watching pornography by yourself is pleasure stripped of people and memory, which is exactly the recipe for addiction rather than enjoyment.
Mistaking a crowd for connection
Being physically near others without real interaction, like a room of gamers not playing or talking to each other, fails to stimulate oxytocin and leaves you lonely.
Is it for you?
Best for
People whose downtime is dominated by solo screen-based or consumptive pleasures that don't leave them fulfilled.
Not ideal for
Those seeking to eliminate pleasure entirely; the formula keeps pleasure but reframes it.
From the transcript
“the source of pleasure plus people plus memory thus delivering the experience into your prefrontal cortex which is part of Happiness”
“if you're doing something that's pleasurable and it can be addictive and you're doing it alone you're probably doing it wrong”
From the episode
How To Stop Feeling Lost & Find Your True Purpose - Arthur Brooks - #802
Arthur Brooks