If I Couldn't Feel This Judgment, What Would I Have to Feel?
Turn any harsh judgment into the emotion you're actually avoiding
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 82%
Hudson argues there is never a moment we judge someone where what is really happening isn't an emotion we don't want to feel. The technique is a single diagnostic question applied the instant a judgment arises: 'If I couldn't feel this judgment, what would I have to feel?' The judgment is treated as a lid; the question lifts it to reveal jealousy, shame, fear, or another avoided emotion underneath. Once the real emotion is named and actually felt in the body rather than analysed, the judgment resolves almost immediately. He notes the technique works especially well on charged relationships (moms, dads, partners) because those are where our unallowed parts hide. The mechanism is inversion: the thing you condemn in another is the part of yourself you won't permit.
Origin
Developed by Joe Hudson through his Art of Accomplishment coaching work with individuals and groups on emotional expression.
Core principles
- 01Every judgment sits on top of an emotion you don't want to feel
- 02Harsh judgment of others is a smoke signal for avoided feeling
- 03Naming and feeling the hidden emotion dissolves the judgment
- 04The parts of yourself you won't allow are the parts you condemn in others
How to run it
- 1
Catch the judgment
Notice when you're judging someone harshly or looping in criticism of them. Treat the judgment itself as data, not truth.
Pro tip Charged targets like parents, partners, or public figures make the pattern easiest to spot.
- 2
Ask the question
Ask yourself: 'If I couldn't feel this judgment, what would I have to feel?' Let the answer arise rather than reasoning toward it.
Watch out Don't answer with another judgment; you're looking for a raw emotion word.
- 3
Name the hidden emotion
Identify the specific feeling underneath, such as jealousy, shame, or fear of your own wanting.
- 4
Feel it, don't think it
Allow the emotion to move through your body without needing anything to be different. Feeling, not analysis, is what releases it.
Pro tip Physical sensations relaxing and opening are the sign it's actually being felt.
In the wild
Hudson uses himself as the example: he notices he's judging someone for 'hawking' a supplement on their show. Applying the question, he finds that if he couldn't feel the judgment, he'd have to feel jealousy that they have an aligned sponsor, or the shame he carries about selling himself and making money. Since he doesn't allow that wanting in himself, he can't allow it in the other person. Naming the shame resolves the judgment on the spot.
→ The judgment dissolves and a disowned part (the desire to sell/earn without shame) becomes visible and workable.
Common mistakes
Answering with another judgment
People often reply to the question with more criticism instead of a raw emotion, which keeps the lid on. The answer must be a feeling word.
Thinking about the emotion instead of feeling it
Intellectualising the emotion keeps it stuck. The release comes only from letting it move through the body.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone who notices they judge others harshly or loop on criticism.
Not ideal for
Acute crises where a concrete external threat needs immediate action.
From the transcript
“If I couldn't feel that judgment, what would I have to feel? ... But there's always something underneath the judgment that we're not feeling.”
“There's no time that we're judging somebody when what's actually happening is there's emotion we don't want to feel.”
From the episode
How to Take Control of Your Emotions - Joe Hudson - #1045
Joe Hudson