Leaps of Faith
Trust first on purpose — social risk-taking is how you win at connection
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 80%
Zaki argues we take in social information asymmetrically: a betrayal haunts us, but we never register the good outcomes we forfeited by not trusting. In one study people guessed strangers would be trustworthy about 50% of the time when the real rate was 80% — yet those who declined to trust never discovered they were wrong. Leaps of faith is the deliberate practice of extending trust and vulnerability before it feels safe, to collect the missing half of the evidence. It's powered by reciprocity: when you put faith in people they tend to step up and repay it, turning a potential self-fulfilling prophecy of distrust into a virtuous one. Zaki reframes this as social risk-taking — the same courage lauded in extreme sports or entrepreneurship, but applied to connection, where we wrongly label it naivety. Because you only learn how positive people are by betting on them, the practice is both how you win connection and how you correct an over-negative worldview.
Origin
A strategy Jamil Zaki adopted personally while researching 'Hope for Cynics', after realizing his outwardly positive 'Guy Smiley' persona hid a lifelong struggle with trust rooted in a chaotic childhood.
Core principles
- 01We feel the pain of broken trust but never the cost of trust we withheld.
- 02You only learn a stranger is untrustworthy by trusting; missed good bets stay invisible.
- 03Trusting people makes them more trustworthy — trust is a gift they tend to repay.
- 04Social risk-taking is undervalued while physical and career risk-taking is praised as brave.
- 05Hope is the social version of the risk-taking high performers accept everywhere else.
How to run it
- 1
Spot the safe play
Notice where you hold back socially — suffering in silence, not opening up, withholding responsibility — because you fear judgment, boredom, or looking like a sucker.
- 2
Reframe trust as a gift
See that trust isn't only you taking a chance; it's giving something to another person that they're likely to repay. When you put faith in others they become more faithful to you.
Pro tip Zaki's lab found that simply teaching people this fact made them more willing to trust.
- 3
Take a deliberate leap
Extend trust or vulnerability on purpose — say when you're struggling, be honest even when it's unpalatable, hand a trainee more responsibility than feels comfortable.
Pro tip Start with leaps sized to the relationship rather than reckless all-in bets.
Watch out Leaps of faith are not recklessness — this isn't wiring money to a prince who emailed you.
- 4
Collect and update on the evidence
Watch how people actually respond — usually more warmly and capably than you expected — and use it to update your worldview toward their real trustworthiness instead of staying surprised.
Pro tip Zaki's aim is to 'be a good Bayesian' and stop being shocked that people are good.
In the wild
For twenty years Zaki studied kindness and empathy while privately struggling to trust, presenting such a relentlessly positive front that a friend nicknamed him 'Guy Smiley'. During the project he began deliberately taking social risks: being more vulnerable, saying when he was struggling, admitting what was going on with him, and trusting trainees with more responsibility — the opposite of suffering in silence to avoid being a 'burden'.
→ He was repeatedly shocked at how friendly strangers were and how capable and giving the people in his life proved to be.
In a study, people could choose to trust a stranger with money and had to guess how often strangers act trustworthily. Most guessed about 50%. In reality people acted in a trustworthy manner 80% of the time. Crucially, those who chose not to trust never found out they were wrong — you only learn when you've trusted, not when you've mistrusted.
→ The asymmetry means chronic non-trusters never receive the corrective evidence and keep underestimating people.
Common mistakes
Treating social risk as naivety
We praise risk-taking in sports, business, and moving countries, but label the same courage in trusting people as gullible or stupid. That double standard costs us friendship, collaboration, and love.
Only counting betrayals
We vividly remember the times trust was broken but never feel the pain of connections we forfeited by not trusting. Judging from betrayals alone guarantees an over-negative model of people.
Is it for you?
Best for
People who are risk-tolerant in careers or sports but risk-averse socially and emotionally.
Not ideal for
High-stakes situations with clear evidence of bad actors, where restraint is warranted.
From the transcript
“trust isn't just you taking a chance it's you giving a gift to another person that they're likely to repay”
“hope is the social version of risk taking... we need to take some risks in that part of our life as well”
From the episode
How To Be More Hopeful In A Cynical World - Dr Jamil Zaki - #841
Dr Jamil Zaki