Let Be, Let Go, Let In
A three-step sequence for working with any difficult mental state
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 90%
Almost every method for working with the mind falls into three categories that form a natural sequence mapping onto what happens in the brain. First, let be: witness what's there and feel it, which immediately makes it less upsetting because you've stepped back and are watching the movie rather than being in it. Second, let go: release tension from the body, drop beliefs you don't need, and unhook from goals and points you're attached to. Third, let in: replace what you released with a matched positive resource, using the three needs to choose it. A bonus practice, linking, holds a small negative off to the side while a larger positive stays in the foreground, so that firing together the two gradually lets the positive soothe and replace the negative.
Origin
Dr. Rick Hanson's synthesis of the three broad ways therapists and meditators work with the mind, framed as tending a garden: witness it, pull weeds, or plant flowers.
Core principles
- 01The mind is like a garden: you can witness it, pull weeds, or plant flowers
- 02Half the battle is stepping back and witnessing rather than reacting
- 03You cannot release what you refuse to first feel
- 04Suppressing the negative just makes it swirl
- 05Replace what you release with a matched positive alternative
How to run it
- 1
Let be
Step back and witness the experience in a space of awareness without acting it out or reacting to it. Feel the feelings and let them flow; being with what's there makes it immediately less upsetting.
Pro tip Self-awareness and mindfulness are the traits that let you be with experience without being overwhelmed by it.
Watch out Suppressing the negative long-term just makes it worse, because the mind is more like a septic tank than a flush toilet.
- 2
Let go
Release what you've felt: let tension flow out of the body, drop beliefs you realize you don't need to hold, and unhook from goals or points you're attached to that aren't happening.
Pro tip Getting it out of your system, even venting a little, is healthier than bottling it.
- 3
Let in
Replace what you released with a positive alternative matched to the need involved. For released safety-related negativity bring in calm strength and feeling protected; for satisfaction bring in gratitude and healthy pleasure; for connection bring in self-worth and self-compassion.
Pro tip Register successful goal attainment repeatedly, even in small bits like each individual email you finish.
- 4
Link (bonus)
Hold both positive and negative in mind at once, keeping the negative small and off to the side and the positive big in the foreground. Because neurons that fire together wire together, the positive gradually soothes and replaces the negative.
Pro tip Keep the positive material bigger than the negative so the association shifts the right way.
Watch out If the negative dominates, linking can reinforce it instead of easing it.
In the wild
Hanson describes becoming aware of feeling hurt, ignored, dismissed, or disrespected off to the side of awareness. In the foreground, he holds a vivid awareness of people who genuinely like him, his buddies, comrades, and allies who care about him. Keeping the positive bigger, the two firing together gradually eases and even replaces the old feeling of being dismissed over time.
→ The felt weight of the old hurt is soothed and slowly overwritten by the felt sense of being cared about.
Common mistakes
Jumping to let in without letting be
Trying to plant flowers while suppressing the weeds fails; unfelt negativity keeps swirling and undermines the positive you try to install.
Letting the negative stay big while linking
If the negative material dominates the foreground, the association strengthens the negative instead of the positive.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone learning to handle recurring difficult emotions without being overwhelmed or acting them out.
Not ideal for
Severe trauma that needs professional support rather than self-guided practice.
From the transcript
“If your mind is like a garden, you can witness it, pull weeds, or plant flowers. Let be, let go, let in.”
“50% of the battle is to be able to step back from your experience, not act it out, not react to it, and witness it…”
From the episode
How To Develop A Resilient Mind - Dr Rick Hanson - #047
Dr Rick Hanson