Make Your Own Luck
Engineer romantic serendipity by choosing your pools and refusing to shrink yourself
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 80%
Tashiro treats luck in love as an engineerable variable: research shows some people are reliably luckier because they repeatedly put themselves in more optimal situations. The method has two moves. First, take the app out of the app: name the partner you want, work out where those people physically congregate, and go inhabit those places, converting online filters into real-world pre-selection. Second, stop minimizing. People, especially women, often shrink themselves to avoid seeming threatening and end up attracting mismatched partners and a lifetime of self-editing. Being unapologetically yourself acts as a sieve that filters out the wrong people fast, on the first date rather than months in. The caveat is that confidence must be paired with real capacity to grow, not weaponized as an excuse for bad behavior.
Origin
Drawn from Ty Tashiro's reading of psychological research on luck and his own coaching of friends through real dating situations, including a friend he redirected from a women-only yoga studio to a weight room full of prospects.
Core principles
- 01Lucky people consistently put themselves in more optimal situations
- 02Pre-selection beats filtering: go where your ideal partner already is
- 03Being unapologetically yourself is a filter, not a liability
- 04Editing yourself to attract now means editing forever
- 05It's a numbers game, so create more real-world opportunities
How to run it
- 1
Name who you actually want
Get specific about the partner you're looking for, ideally using your ranked top-three traits, so you can reverse-engineer where to find them.
- 2
Map where those people are
Work out the real-world environments your ideal partner actually frequents. If you want someone fit, go where fit people train, not where they aren't.
Pro tip This is pre-selection by geography; the environment does your filtering before you say a word.
- 3
Physically inhabit those pools
Show up in those places consistently. Face-to-face meeting produces better-matched, more-in-common prospects than the online pool.
Watch out Don't go somewhere that clashes with your actual lifestyle just because it has people; alignment matters.
- 4
Present yourself fully
Stop minimizing to seem non-threatening or palatable. Be confident and unapologetic about who you are and what you want.
Pro tip A tall woman hunching at the bar, or anyone playing a vanilla middle-of-the-road version of themselves, repels the person who'd have loved the real them.
- 5
Let mismatches self-select out
Accept that being fully yourself will make some people reject you faster, and treat that as the win: you find out on date one, not three months in.
Watch out The alternative is spending the whole relationship editing yourself and having attracted someone who doesn't want the real you.
- 6
Temper confidence with growth
Being unapologetic is not license to be mean or refuse to improve. Disclose your rough edges honestly and show what you're doing about them.
Pro tip "Sometimes I have a mean streak and here's what I'm doing about it" is genuine; "deal with my meanness" is not.
In the wild
A female friend struggling with online dating wanted someone motivated and physically fit, yet spent her fitness time at a women-only yoga studio. Tashiro pointed out the mismatch and suggested she join an Equinox with a weight room reputedly full of men. She went three or four times a week and quickly had an abundance of real-life suitors she had more in common with than anyone she'd met online.
→ Changing the environment converted a dry online pipeline into a stream of better-matched, in-person prospects within weeks.
Common mistakes
Fishing in the wrong pool
Wanting a fit, motivated partner while only frequenting places those people avoid guarantees mismatched candidates no matter how much you swipe.
Minimizing to seem safe
Shrinking yourself attracts lower-fit partners and commits you to a lifetime of self-editing instead of filtering fast for people who want the real you.
Is it for you?
Best for
Single people who keep meeting the wrong matches online and want to move dating into real, better-targeted environments.
Not ideal for
Someone using authenticity as an excuse to be rude or refuse any self-improvement.
From the transcript
“You can make your luck in romantic relationships... who are the people I want and where are those people hanging out?”
“You have to be unapologetic about who you are and what you want.”
From the episode
How To Find The Love Of Your Life - Ty Tashiro - #926
Ty Tashiro