Red Flag / Green Flag Partner Screening
Fast behavioural tests that reveal a partner before the mask comes off
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 7
- Confidence
- 62%
This screening framework is a checklist of quick behavioural tests run in the first few dates, when there is no justification yet for over-reaction and small tells are most visible. Green flags include independence, a life and friends outside you, speaking of exes with class, and being able to take a joke. Red flags include bitterness toward an ex or all women, red-pill or incel rhetoric, inability to be single, emotional volatility, and rudeness to waiters and drivers. The logic is that minor early behaviours later widen into leverage once the mask comes off, so you probe past the twenty-minute performance anyone can put on. Several tests are diagnostic questions: when was your last relationship, when were you last single, and how do you talk about your ex.
Origin
Chris Williamson, Johnny and Yusef assemble this red-flag / green-flag checklist through the second half of Modern Wisdom's Relationships 104, drawing on their own dating experience and mutual friends.
Core principles
- 01Anyone can seem stable for the first twenty minutes; probe past the performance
- 02Minor early behaviours widen into leverage once the mask comes off
- 03How someone treats people they gain nothing from reveals their character
- 04Independence and being able to be alone are green flags
- 05Bitterness toward exes or a whole gender is a hard red flag
How to run it
- 1
Probe how they discuss their ex
Listen for tact versus bitterness. Even a genuinely bad ex can be described neutrally, and doing so reflects well; going on about it or hating them signals unresolved feelings or you being a rebound.
Pro tip Indifference, not stated hatred, is the real sign someone is over an ex.
- 2
Ask about their mother
How someone speaks about their mother, and women in their life generally, is a strong proxy for how they treat women overall.
Pro tip Warm, fond talk about their mother is a reliable green flag.
- 3
Ask when they were last single
Not just when their last relationship was, but when they were last alone. Someone who cannot bear to be single pinballs between partners and may want you to be their life, not part of it.
Watch out A person who only feels comfortable inside a relationship is a dangerous partner to attach to.
- 4
Watch how they treat service staff
Observe their manner with waiters, taxi and bus drivers, and anyone they gain nothing from. Rudeness to the powerless is a minor variance that widens over time.
- 5
Test their sense of humour
Check whether they can both take and make a joke, since humour pre-frames many other character traits and their ability to keep things playful.
- 6
Assess emotional stability
Notice how a small disagreement is handled. A stable partner keeps it a one-hour adult conversation; an unstable one escalates a trivial input into disproportionate turmoil.
Watch out Anyone can seem non-volatile early, so weight this over repeated small frictions, not one performance.
- 7
Screen for woman-hating ideology
Note the blogs and books they cite. Red-pill, incel or MGTOW rhetoric, or overarching bitterness toward women, is a serious red flag whether subtle or overt.
In the wild
Chris recounts ending a casual on-off relationship where the woman became hysterical, saying she did not want to break up because she would have to go back to going out all the time, since she was no longer with anyone. He read it as a frantic, overt inability to be on her own. It became the origin of the diagnostic question: ask not only when someone was last in a relationship but when they were last single.
→ A clear real-time demonstration of the 'cannot bear to be alone' red flag and the screening question that catches it.
Common mistakes
Trusting the twenty-minute performance
Anyone, including a psychopath, can convince you they are stable and empathetic early on. Judging on that first impression is like a job interview: it selects for good performers, not good partners.
Excusing minor early red flags
A small rudeness or self-absorption inside your tolerance now can widen into something vindictive once the mask comes off, so watch early tells carefully.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone screening a new prospect who wants low-effort behavioural signals rather than relying on gut alone.
Not ideal for
Established relationships, or anyone wanting deep compatibility work rather than early red-flag triage.
From the transcript
“how do they talk about their ex? ... if you have someone who it just seems bitter about all women”
“an alternative to when was your last relationship, I think also a good question to ask would be when was the last time you were…”
“it's really easy to convince anyone for 20 minutes that you're not a psychopath”
From the episode
Relationships 104 - How To Be Single - #059
How To Be Single