The Rule of Thirds for Dates
Split your date energy across connecting, assessing and flirting so no date is wasted
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 83%
Anderson tells clients to divide their date effort into three equal thirds. One third goes to making a connection: surfacing shared interests and values. One third goes to assessment: is she actually a good fit, is she interesting, does she meet your criteria. The final third goes to flirting and having fun. The reframe corrects the common male mindset that a date is an audition to impress a woman. Instead it is a mutual evaluation. Even if the first two thirds reveal she isn't your person, the flirting third means you both still had fun, you practised, and you can chalk it up as one less person to meet. Anderson is explicit that a man is allowed to conclude the woman was boring, had no hobbies, or communicated poorly; the value of his time is not automatically lower than hers.
Origin
Extracted from Blaine Anderson's client coaching on date mindset, delivered on Modern Wisdom.
Core principles
- 01A date is a two-way evaluation, not an audition to impress her
- 02You should be assessing her fit as much as she is assessing yours
- 03Even a mismatch can be a fun, low-stakes rep
- 04Flirting and fun keep the date enjoyable regardless of outcome
How to run it
- 1
Spend a third on connection
Use a third of your effort helping her see shared interests, shared values and things you have in common.
Pro tip Pull conversational threads on topics you both find interesting to deepen this.
- 2
Spend a third assessing her
Use a third of your attention evaluating whether she meets your criteria, is interesting, and is actually a good fit for you.
Pro tip It is completely valid to decide she wasn't that interesting; that's a her-problem, not a you-problem.
Watch out Skipping assessment leaves you trying to win over someone you never checked was worth winning.
- 3
Spend a third flirting and having fun
Devote the final third to being playful and flirty so the date is enjoyable regardless of whether it leads anywhere.
Pro tip Even a non-match becomes a fun rep and a chance to practise flirting.
Watch out Going into a date thinking 'I need to impress her' is the wrong mindset.
In the wild
Anderson affirms that a man uncertain of his own value can go on a date and find the woman simply sucked: no hobbies, does nothing with her time, poor communicator. Under the rule of thirds, the assessment third gives him permission to conclude it isn't a him-problem, while the flirting third means he still had a bit of fun before moving on.
→ The man leaves without damaged self-worth, having practised flirting and eliminated one non-match.
Common mistakes
Treating the date as an audition
Going in to impress her ignores that you are also assessing her and kills your ability to enjoy the date.
Skipping the assessment third
Men who never evaluate the woman end up chasing people who don't actually fit what they want.
Is it for you?
Best for
Men who are anxious and outcome-fixated on dates and forget they are choosing too.
Not ideal for
Men who already over-filter and never invest enough to build any connection.
From the transcript
“a third of your effort should be spent towards making a connection ... a third of your effort should be assessing if she is a…”
“it is completely possible for you as a guy ... to go on a date and the woman suck”
From the episode
A Woman’s Guide To Attracting Women - Blaine Anderson - #815
Blaine Anderson