Change Minds by Steel-Manning
Restate the other side better than they can before you argue your own
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 72%
Kelly holds you can't reason someone out of a notion they didn't reason themselves into, because most views are inherited and most arguments operate at an emotional or identity level. His method is to listen very carefully and understand why someone believes what they believe; this gets you further than arguing. The higher-bar version is steel-manning: you shouldn't offer an opinion on a controversial thing unless you can state the other side to the satisfaction of the other side. In his Long Now debate series, one side had to restate the opponent's premise to that opponent's satisfaction before proceeding, a tool Williamson notes turns down the volume of antagonism.
Origin
Kevin Kelly's approach, formalized in the Long Now debate series where each side had to restate the other's premise before responding.
Core principles
- 01You can't reason someone out of a belief they didn't reason themselves into
- 02Most arguments are not about the argument; they're emotional and identity-level
- 03Earn the right to an opinion by stating the other side to its satisfaction
- 04Listening to understand why beats arguing to win
How to run it
- 1
Listen to understand the why
Focus on why the person holds their belief rather than on rebutting the surface claim.
Pro tip This gets you further toward changing their mind than arguing does.
- 2
Restate to their satisfaction
Say their position back until they agree you have captured it accurately and fully.
Pro tip In the Long Now debates this was a required gate before responding.
Watch out This is a big hurdle; many people can't clear it.
- 3
Find the real root
Recognize the emotional, identity, or subconscious source beneath the stated argument.
Watch out Attacking the surface argument misses what the disagreement is actually about.
- 4
State the strongest opposing case
Articulate the other side as well as they could before advancing your own opinion.
Pro tip Meeting this bar earns more respect for your own opinions.
- 5
Decline unwinnable arguments
Recognize you don't have to attend every argument you're invited to, especially identity-driven ones.
Watch out Logic rarely dislodges a belief that was never reasoned into place.
In the wild
Kelly's Long Now debate series imposed a condition: one side would state their premise or idea, and the opposing side had to restate it to the satisfaction of the first side before the debate could move on. This forced genuine comprehension of the opposing view rather than caricature. Williamson calls steel-manning a great tool to turn down the volume of antagonism and adversarialness, because being able to state the other side accurately is a high bar that reveals whether you actually understand what you're arguing against.
→ Lower antagonism and debaters who genuinely grasped opposing views.
Common mistakes
Arguing facts against an emotional belief
Since most views are inherited and identity-linked, a logical process usually fails to move them.
Opining without stating the other side
Offering opinions on controversial topics without being able to voice the opposing case forfeits respect and understanding.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone trying to genuinely change minds or lower antagonism in a disagreement.
Not ideal for
Purely factual disputes settled by a quick shared reference.
From the transcript
“You can't reason someone out of a notion that they didn't reason themselves into”
“you should be able to state the other side to the satisfaction of the other”
From the episode
22 Habits To Follow For A Happy Life - Kevin Kelly - #638
Kevin Kelly