Don't Be the Best, Be the Only
Invent your own definition of success instead of competing for a single narrow crown
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 78%
Kelly argues that 'the best' is a very narrow niche with room for only one winner, defined by someone else's criteria that likely exclude your particular abilities. 'The only' is a wide-open space populated by a billion different people each pursuing something distinct. The mechanism is to stop optimizing against an inherited scoreboard and instead invent a new definition of success built around what makes you unique, then keep redefining it until the outcome fits you. Because you are the only one running your specific race, competition falls away and you gain room to move at your own pace. The approach reframes success away from money and fame toward things like total control of your own time, which Kelly calls the highest form of wealth.
Origin
Kevin Kelly's core life philosophy, distilled in his book 'Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier' and shaped by decades founding and editing Wired.
Core principles
- 01Being the best is someone else's definition of success and admits only one winner
- 02Being the only is a wide-open field with room for a billion different people
- 03Your unique combination of abilities is your defensible niche
- 04Redefine success on your own terms rather than inheriting it
How to run it
- 1
Spot the 'best' game you're playing
Identify where you are trying to be best at something and notice how narrow and singular that target is.
Pro tip If only one person can win it, it is a 'best' game.
- 2
Question whose definition it is
Recognize that 'best' is usually defined by others and likely excludes your particular set of abilities.
Watch out Inherited definitions of success quietly design you out.
- 3
Inventory what makes you unique
List the abilities, tendencies, and even weird traits that are specific to you rather than generic.
Pro tip Your ideal business card lists an occupation nearly unique to you.
- 4
Write your own definition of success
Redefine the outcome you want in your own words, including non-money goals like control of your time.
Pro tip Kelly warns the target most likely should not include a billion dollars.
- 5
Aim at the only, keep redefining
Point yourself at that only-you outcome and keep revising the definition until the result genuinely fits.
Watch out Because no one else is running your race, don't fear someone stealing the idea.
In the wild
Kelly boasts among his billionaire friends that he is the wealthiest because he has total control of his time. He distinguishes the rich (lots of money) from the wealthy (control of their time) and argues it is much easier to be wealthy than rich. Rather than chase the crowded 'richest' scoreboard, he defines his own success as time sovereignty, freeing himself from entourage, EAs, and the tax that great wealth and fame impose.
→ A self-defined success metric (time control) that competitors are not fighting over.
Common mistakes
Chasing money or fame as the target
Kelly warns fame is imprisoning and a billion dollars becomes a burden that overtakes your life; aiming at either is optimizing the wrong scoreboard.
Fearing idea theft
If you are truly pursuing an only-you path, no one else will take it, so guarding ideas is wasted energy.
Is it for you?
Best for
Creatives, founders, and professionals who feel stuck comparing themselves to a crowded field.
Not ideal for
Zero-sum contexts where an objective, externally-defined rank is genuinely the goal.
From the transcript
“if you uh head towards becoming the only, that's a much wide open area that is potentially full of a billion different only's”
“the rich have a lot of money, the wealthy have control of their time, and it's much easier to be wealthy than rich”
From the episode
22 Habits To Follow For A Happy Life - Kevin Kelly - #638
Kevin Kelly