Flip Negative Feedback Into an Approach Goal
Turn 'what not to do' feedback into a concrete 'do this instead' so it's actually usable
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 74%
Fishbach argues feedback is essential but negative feedback is systematically underused, because it's hard not only emotionally but cognitively. Negative feedback tells you only what not to do, which sets up an avoidance goal, and avoidance goals are demotivating and easy to ignore. The value is unlocked by doing a deliberate mental switch: translate the 'don't do X' into a concrete 'do Y instead.' Told 'you look down at your hands when nervous,' you convert it into 'when nervous, look at the board or fix your eyes on one person.' This flips the useless avoidance signal into an actionable approach goal. The same logic governs teaching others: a punished dog learns only that something was wrong, not the correct behavior, so you must add positive reinforcement for the right action. Sometimes one wrong way is more informative than many right ways.
Origin
Extracted from Ayelet Fishbach's work on feedback and approach/avoidance motivation, discussed in relation to her book Get It Done.
Core principles
- 01Feedback is critical; we need to know where we stand.
- 02Negative feedback is hard emotionally and, less obviously, cognitively.
- 03Negative feedback only tells you what not to do, creating an avoidance goal.
- 04The mental switch from 'don't' to 'do instead' is the real work.
- 05When teaching others, punishment alone can't convey the correct behavior.
How to run it
- 1
Take the feedback in without dismissing it
Resist the emotional urge to reject negative feedback. There is often more useful information in the one wrong way than in all the right ways.
Pro tip Knowing which single dish in a restaurant is bad is more useful than knowing the rest are good.
- 2
Extract the 'what not to do'
Identify precisely what behavior the feedback flags as wrong, e.g. 'you look down at your hands' or 'you don't look at the camera on calls.'
Watch out Stopping here traps you in an avoidance goal you'll obsess over instead of fix.
- 3
Do the mental switch to an approach behavior
Translate the negative into a concrete thing to do instead: 'when I get nervous, look up at the board or fix my eyes on one person,' or 'look at the camera, not the person on screen.'
Pro tip Name the exact replacement action so there's no ambiguity in the moment.
- 4
Add positive reinforcement when teaching others
People and especially animals can't infer the correct behavior from punishment alone. Reinforce the right action so the learner knows what to do, not just what to avoid.
Pro tip A scolded dog doesn't know to go on the grass; reward the correct behavior to teach it.
In the wild
A boss tells you that when you get nervous in meetings you look down at your hands and it reads badly to the room. Left as-is, that's an avoidance goal you'll obsess over. Fishbach's move is to convert it: 'when I get nervous, I need to look up at the board or fix my eyes on someone.' The negative becomes a concrete approach behavior you can execute.
→ An unusable criticism becomes a clear action that changes the behavior.
When you yell at a dog for going on the carpet, the dog only learns that something displeased you, not that the correct behavior is to go outside on the grass. Animals can do avoidance or approach but can't flip one into the other. So punishment alone fails; you have to add positive reinforcement for the right behavior.
→ Illustrates why negative feedback needs an explicit approach counterpart to teach anyone.
Common mistakes
Ignoring negative feedback
Because it's emotionally and cognitively hard, people discard negative feedback and lose the disproportionate information it carries.
Stopping at 'what not to do'
Leaving feedback as an avoidance goal leads to obsessing over the flaw instead of doing the switch to a concrete corrective action.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone receiving critique, and managers, teachers, or parents trying to change someone's behavior.
Not ideal for
Situations where the right behavior is genuinely unknown and can't yet be specified.
From the transcript
“it creates an avoidance goal for us which we then need to flip into an approach goal”
“it is much easier to learn from positive feedback than from negative feedback”
“when you are a yell at your dog the dog has no idea what is the correct behavior”
From the episode
The Psychology Of Human Motivation - Ayelet Fishbach - #447
Ayelet Fishbach