Treat Dating Apps as Introduction Apps
Stop assessing attraction from photos; use apps only to get to the real, in-person test
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 62%
Dr. Anna Machin argues, echoing Helen Fisher, that dating apps are misnamed: they are introduction apps, not dating apps. Human attraction runs on a dense stream of sensory information — body shape, facial symmetry, voice tone, and (for women) genetic-compatibility scent — processed by an unconscious algorithm that estimates mate value. A photo and a few texts strip almost all of that away, so the brain is handicapped and cannot reliably judge attraction or even spot liars online. The method is a decision rule: treat the app purely as a way to be introduced, refuse to evaluate attraction remotely, cap the messaging, and move to a safe in-person meeting fast, because only there does your real assessment machinery switch on. It also reframes the effort and inefficiency of dating as evidence of the relationship's survival value rather than friction to optimise away.
Origin
Developed by evolutionary anthropologist Dr. Anna Machin from her research on the neuroscience of attraction, building on Helen Fisher's framing of dating apps as introduction apps.
Core principles
- 01A photo and a few texts carry almost none of the sensory data your brain uses to judge a mate
- 02Attraction is a multi-sensory, largely unconscious assessment that only fires in person
- 03Apps introduce; they do not let you date
- 04Effort and inefficiency are features of valuable relationships, not bugs
- 05Online, the brain's lie-detection and attraction machinery is handicapped
How to run it
- 1
Relabel it as an introduction app
Consciously reframe the app as a tool that only introduces you to people, not one that lets you assess or date them. This changes what you expect from it and stops you over-investing in profiles.
Pro tip Say it out loud before each session: 'This is an introduction tool, not a dating tool.'
- 2
Refuse to judge attraction remotely
Do not decide whether you are attracted to someone from photos or text. Your brain cannot make that call without in-person sensory information, so any confident verdict online is unreliable.
Watch out You are also worse at detecting liars online than in person, so red flags are easier to miss.
- 3
Cap the pre-meeting messaging
Set yourself a strict limit on the number of texts or messages before you meet. Endless chatting builds an imagined version of the person that the real meeting rarely matches.
Pro tip Pick a concrete number in advance so you are not negotiating with yourself later.
- 4
Move to a safe in-person meeting quickly
Once introduced and past your message cap, arrange to meet in person, safely. This is the only environment where your real assessment can run.
Watch out Prioritise safety in how and where you meet a stranger.
- 5
Run the real sensory assessment in person
In person, let your brain take in body shape, facial symmetry, voice, movement and scent. This multi-sensory intake is what actually tells you whether attraction exists.
- 6
Accept the effort as the point
Treat the time and effort of meeting people as a feature, not inefficiency. Relationships that matter for your survival are not meant to be low-cost or optimised for speed.
Pro tip When a meeting feels like effort, read that as a sign you are investing in something valuable.
In the wild
A serial dating-app user keeps building intense text rapport, then feeling deflated on the first date. Applying Machin's rule, she relabels the app as introductions only, caps herself at ten messages, and books an in-person coffee. On several matches the in-person chemistry simply is not there despite great texting; on one it is unmistakable within minutes. By refusing to pre-judge attraction from a screen, she stops investing weeks in text relationships that were never going to work and reaches the real signal far faster.
→ Fewer wasted weeks texting; attraction judged where the brain can actually judge it — in person.
Common mistakes
Deciding attraction from a photo
Photos carry almost none of the sensory information the brain uses to assess a mate, so a swipe verdict is close to noise.
Endless texting before meeting
Long message threads build an imagined partner and delay the only assessment that works, the in-person one.
Optimising dating for efficiency
Treating dating as a numbers game to be done from the sofa strips out the effort that signals and builds real value.
Is it for you?
Best for
Singles fatigued by dating apps who keep mistaking texting chemistry for real attraction.
Not ideal for
Anyone whose safety or circumstances prevent meeting new people in person.
From the transcript
“I love the way Helen Fisher says dating apps shouldn't be called dating apps, they should be called introduction apps because that's what they are.”
“unless you set yourself some really strict rules which is this is an introduction app I'm not going to try and assess whether I'm actually…”
“things that are really valuable to you in terms of survival generally aren't efficient”
From the episode
The Evolutionary Psychology Of Love, Lust & Cheating - Dr Anna Machin - #817
Dr Anna Machin