Make Other People Tell You No
Replace self-rejection with a real request and observable evidence
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 98%
Make Other People Tell You No is Kaufman's mental rule for preventing self-rejection. When a request feels unlikely to succeed, distinguish that prediction from an actual response and make the ask anyway. The other party, not the requester's fear, should determine whether the answer is no. A clear request turns uncertainty into information: acceptance reveals an opportunity, while rejection supplies data that can improve the price, timing, offer, application, or next experiment. Kaufman applies the rule to charging more, applying for jobs without every listed qualification, seeking promotion, and launching an offer. The mechanism is not positive thinking; it is evidence collection. By refusing to treat an assumption as a fact about the world, the decision maker preserves viable options and learns from reality.
Origin
Kaufman recommends the rule as a mental trick that has helped him make requests and confront pricing fears.
Core principles
- 01Predicted rejection is not evidence
- 02The other party should decide whether to decline
- 03A direct request produces useful data
- 04A failed request can still improve the next experiment
How to run it
- 1
Name the avoided ask
State exactly what you want to request and from whom.
Pro tip Use a concrete price, role, promotion, or offer rather than a vague ambition.
- 2
Challenge the assumed answer
Ask whether rejection has actually happened or only exists in your prediction.
Pro tip Treat uncertainty as a reason to gather data.
Watch out Do not convert fear into a false fact about another person's decision.
- 3
Make the request
Ask clearly and allow the other party to decide.
Pro tip Avoid weakening the request by apologizing for it in advance.
- 4
Use the response as data
If the answer is yes, proceed; if it is no, learn what the response reveals.
Pro tip Consider price, timing, fit, and presentation when interpreting a rejection.
Watch out Respect a no rather than treating the framework as a reason to pressure someone.
- 5
Keep viable paths open
Apply what you learned to the next appropriate request or experiment.
In the wild
Kaufman describes somebody reading a job posting and deciding the employer would never hire them because they lack five years in a technology or prior work in the field. His rule is to apply anyway and let the employer make that decision.
→ The applicant preserves a possible opportunity and obtains a real response instead of rejecting themselves.
After proposing that beginning entrepreneurs test three times their instinctive price, Kaufman says they should not assume nobody will pay it. They should make the offer and collect the response.
→ Market evidence replaces fear as the basis for the pricing decision.
Common mistakes
Rejecting yourself first
Assuming the answer will be no closes the opportunity without producing any evidence.
Treating no as useless
A refusal can reveal information about timing, fit, price, or presentation for the next attempt.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for offers, price increases, applications, promotions, and other reversible requests.
Not ideal for
It is not permission to ignore explicit boundaries or repeatedly pressure somebody who has declined.
From the transcript
“make other people tell you no. Don't assume the rejection before the rejection actually happens.”
“I'm going to make the ask and I'm going to get the data before I decide whether this is a good idea or not.”
“Otherwise, you're just assuming something is a fact about the world that may not necessarily be accurate.”
From the episode
The Key Principles Of Running Any Business - Josh Kaufman - #215
Josh Kaufman