The Three-Selves Decision Rule
Let your anticipating and remembering selves vote on present choices.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 98%
The Three-Selves Decision Rule treats a choice as a three-actor play rather than a monologue delivered by the present self. The anticipating self is the version of you that looked forward to an experience; the present self feels today's fatigue, effort, and convenience; the remembering self will later evaluate what happened. Problems arise when the present self receives the only vote and repeatedly chooses the couch, scrolling, or delay. When resistance appears, restate what the anticipating self wanted and ask which option the remembering self will be glad to have completed. Then distinguish transient reluctance from legitimate danger or exhaustion and honor the broader verdict with a concrete commitment. The rule does not reject present needs; it corrects their disproportionate influence by adding temporal perspectives that represent meaning, anticipation, and lasting satisfaction.
Origin
Vanderkam builds on Daniel Kahneman's present and remembering selves by adding an anticipating self, then applies the three perspectives to ordinary time choices.
Core principles
- 01The present self overweights immediate comfort and fatigue.
- 02The anticipating self reveals which experiences feel worth looking forward to.
- 03The remembering self reveals which completed choices will remain satisfying.
- 04A good decision gives all three temporal perspectives a voice.
- 05Advance commitments reduce the present self's power to cancel meaningful plans.
How to run it
- 1
State the live choice
Define the two real options without euphemism, such as attending the class or watching another night of television.
Pro tip Use concrete actions rather than abstract labels such as productive and lazy.
Watch out Do not frame the options so unfairly that the answer is predetermined.
- 2
Hear the anticipating self
Recall why you scheduled or wanted the activity and what you expected to enjoy, learn, or remember.
Pro tip Revisit the specific image or outcome that originally made the plan appealing.
Watch out Past anticipation is evidence, not an irreversible obligation.
- 3
Diagnose present resistance
Name what the present self is experiencing: fatigue, friction, fear, convenience, pain, or changed circumstances.
Pro tip Ask whether beginning the activity is likely to restore energy once momentum appears.
Watch out Never dismiss credible signs of injury, illness, danger, or severe depletion as mere laziness.
- 4
Consult the remembering self
Imagine tomorrow's recollection of both options and ask which completed choice you will be happier to have made.
Pro tip Picture the end of the evening, when the same amount of clock time has passed either way.
Watch out Avoid choosing only for an impressive story; the remembered outcome should also be genuinely meaningful.
- 5
Make the three-way verdict
Balance anticipation, present information, and future satisfaction. Choose the option that respects valid constraints while resisting temporary inertia.
Pro tip If the activity still matters but capacity is limited, scale it rather than canceling automatically.
Watch out The future self should not become another weapon for guilt or chronic overwork.
- 6
Close the debate
Translate the verdict into an immediate start or a specific calendar commitment so the present self cannot renegotiate indefinitely.
Pro tip Prepare transport, clothing, tickets, or companions in advance to lower the starting friction.
Watch out Repeatedly rescheduling without a real date is cancellation disguised as intention.
In the wild
A person looks forward to Monday salsa lessons but arrives home tired and tempted by the television. The present self wants effortless rest, while the anticipating self expected fun and the remembering self is likely to value the class more than an eighth identical night on the couch.
→ Giving all three selves a vote favors attending, provided the fatigue is ordinary rather than a real health constraint.
Chris Williamson applies the model to the final intervals of a workout. The present self produces reasons to stop, but imagining the later satisfaction of safely completing the planned work changes the decision frame.
→ The remembering-self question helps distinguish transient resistance from a legitimate reason to stop.
Common mistakes
Letting the present self monologue
Immediate comfort can feel like the whole truth. Deliberately surface the earlier anticipation and likely future recollection before deciding.
Ignoring legitimate present signals
The model is not a command to override pain, illness, or changed facts. The present self contributes valuable information even when it should not hold a veto by default.
Leaving the verdict abstract
An unscheduled intention remains vulnerable to another round of resistance. Convert the decision into an immediate action or calendar commitment.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for reversible everyday choices where inertia competes with a meaningful activity, workout, relationship, or planned experience.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal when present discomfort signals real illness, danger, overload, or a commitment that no longer serves its purpose.
From the transcript
“we give way too much attention to how we feel in the present even though our life's too really depends on both the past and…”
“we need to do is make sure we are taking into account both the anticipating and the remembering self in addition to the present self”
“if you think that you will have been happy to have done it then just do your future self a favor and go ahead and…”
From the episode
Why Does Time Pass More Quickly As You Get Older? - Laura Vanderkam - #079
Laura Vanderkam